As Christmas draws near, North Korea's pot-bellied, elvish dictator is determined to pull off his best impression of the Grinch. It'll take seven Photoshop wizards to airbrush his pillowish man-boobs. Despite all human rights violations North Korea has crossed, this one takes the gingerbread cake. Right out of the open mouth of Cindy Lu Hu (see North Korea Sentences Trump to Death. For Being a Big Meanie… and Kim Jong-un Just Banned Sarcasm in North Korea. No, Seriously…). It's the Korean spelling.

No smiling in public, please:

Citizens have been banned from participating in “any gatherings related to drinking, singing and other entertainment,” Yonhap News Agency reported Monday. The North Korean regime is also “strengthening control of outside information.”

The ban is reportedly an effort to stifle “a possible negative impact” of sanctions against North Korea in response to its recent nuclear tests.

What Kim Jong wishes to look like. After months of ex lax treatment.

Let's keep the holly jolly theme going, shall we? Joy and happiness aren't allowed in communist dictatorships. Like these other Christmas communists. Who all have better hair than Kim Jong.

• Lewis' White Witch of Narnia - Always winter but never Christmas. God forbid people decorate with twinkle lights and cheer.
• Dickens' Scrooge - Glad the workhouses were in working order. Wanted the poor to die of gangrene.
• Dr. Suess' Grinch - Hated the sound of singing. Engaged in animal abuse, forcing his dog pull thousands of pounds. Which he later ate. Kidding, but Kim Jong might eat the dog.

There will be an errant leftist about, saying "socialism isn't communism, stop it." It's as predicable as a North Korean's need for Xanax. Socialism is the rest stop toward communism. It's the Grapevine before descending into Los Angeles. Or, sticking with our Christmas theme, socialism is to communism what Thanksgiving is to Christmas. Don't deny it, you early twinkle-light erectors.

What matters to communism is conformity. Okay, that's just but one issue in a suffering bag of garbage. Banning singing and laughter? What possible purpose is there to banning events where people are joyful? If not to constantly remind people they live at the behest of the state? People should only take joy in the state. They should only celebrate the state. To seek joy in anything other than the state is a punishable offense! Is there any other conclusion to draw?

~Co-written by Courtney Kirchoff and Nichole Cooper

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