Even though you might be decking the halls or (spiking your eggnog with rum), the job of a triggered SJW troll is never done. Why lay your wearing head to rest while enjoying chestnuts roasting on an open fire, when you can nip at Jack's nose when he tries wooing you? Especially if you've never consented to being wooed. What a Scrooge. That's right, feminist manatees have spun a new version of 'Baby it's Cold Outside.' Just with less cheer, more allusions to rape culture.

Feminists, this is why nobody likes you. I'm sorry you have all the sex appeal of a beluga whale. But it's not the fault of everyone else you've attracted zero men this Christmas. I'm sorry when men feel your thunderous step approaching, they firebomb all mistletoe in sight. But in the typical healthy realm of male to female romantic relations, a kind of love game is played. It's a dance. Flirting. A man shows interest, a woman plays coy and hard to get.

Again, sorry you hammed-thighed pork beasts have yet to attract a male, thus missing out on the dating dance. Perhaps you should drop the donut and pick up a razor. Not to shave your already boy-cutted head, but to trim the free-flowing hair round the arm pit area. See if that entices a skinny-jeaned hipster snowflake at least. If the idea of conforming to traditional beauty standards is too much, may I suggest you hole yourself in this Christmas and leave the rest of us normals to enjoy it.

Also, it's Christmas. Christmas. Christmas. Take your "Happy Holidays" and shove it into one of your many skin folds you're trying to pass off as "curves." No.

Like this segment? It was pulled from our full podcast. You should watch it, lest a feminist crashes your Christmas party with vegan cookies and consent lectures.

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