Mannequins are plastic clothing display things. They're one step up from a hanger, but far creepier if you're alone with them in the dark of night. Or so I'd have to assume since I'd never do such a thing. Regardless, now mannequins are triggering to people if they're not the right size, then double triggering to those who think they're the right size but want to write up yet another anthem for fat pride with a little shout out to abortion rights. It's all very petty and stupid, but welcome to the first world in 2019, where we make up our problems in lieu of real struggles. If you're still here I assume it's because you want to know what's so terrible about molded plastic with flesh tones. Allow me to illuminate this new foray into "I can't believe Jesus hasn't come to save us yet."

An OpEd was penned in The Telegraph bemoaning fat mannequins in a Nike store. We're talking about plastic. But since we all have to worry about what messages are being sent to women, we have to all get into rows about it. "Row" is the British term for an argument. Here's a screen capture of the first OpEd, which prompted a response from a second OpEd, and now here I am with a third.

Forgive them Jesus, for they have too much time.

You're here to get my opinion. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have an opinion for every occasion. So here's my opinion on fat mannequins: who f*cking cares. Surprised? Don't be. Fat people are still people and still need clothes, even athletic clothes. Nike sells athletic clothes. Nike wants to sell clothes to fat people. So Nike has mannequins modeling clothes for fat people. Nike selling clothes to fat people is about Nike getting money from fat people in exchange for their clothes. This is a simple capitalistic practice. If you're fat, and you need clothes, now you know Nike has more than a size ten. Nike wrapped up their "please give us your money" as all good businesses do: by selling an idea with a product. In this case, Nike is "celebrating" that not everyone who wants to go for a walk is a CrossFit Games athlete, which is what the other two models pictured look like.

That should've been the end of it. Yet because we have to bombard women with all our hot, semi-hot, luke-warm, tepid, and cold takes about how they must appear, we have to write OpEds about plastic models in stores. The Telegraph OpEd was responded to with an OpEd from "SheKnows":

Again we're talking about plastic. Now we're one step removed: Marshall Bright is upset over someone else who's upset about fat mannequins. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess neither Marshall nor Tanya at the Telegraph spend much time lifting heavy weights. Just based on their obsession with plastic. Or in Marshall's case, her issue with the other chick who has an issue with the plastic.

What Marshall from SheKnows should've said wasn't "I don't know where to begin" but to say what I've said what feels like fifty times: "Mannequins are plastic models one step up from a hanger to sell clothes to people. Get over it."

But she didn't. Instead, Marshall did what most Fat Pride Feminists do: use any excuse to claim fat people are victims of fatphobia and here's an abortion analogy just because.

There is so much wrong-headed, cruel, and baseless, I don’t even know where to start.

I am tempted, of course, to point out the hypocrisy of wanting fat people to lose weight and also being upset when workout clothes are marketed to them. But I also immediately recognize that same twinge I feel when I find people’s very understandable responses to abortion bans that don’t include rape exceptions. Just like all abortions are valid, I also believe that a fat person doesn’t have to desire to lose weight to be worthy of, say, the ability to work out or have their own humanity recognized.

I'm not going to use the "I don't know where to begin" crutch because I know it's used by people who usually haven't any argument at all, they just want you to think they are overwhelmed with arguments.

So let's begin with me saying she's partially right, it is stupid to bemoan how women should exercise more then bitch about clothing their size made for exercise. Point to Marshall. Really she could've just been done there, it's (in my opinion) the only argument that needs to be made in response to Telegraph Tanya.

But then the abortion bans comes in, and everything gets weird. If you're wondering how fat people's sports bras on a plastic model relates to Georgia banning baby killing, join me for a latte. Because that analogy is stretched more than a regular sized bra on a fat mannequin.

All abortions are not valid. All abortions involve dead babies and often a woman who'll live with regret until she shakes these mortal coils. I'm still not sure how a woman's desire to kill her child for any reason relates in any way to a rolly-polly lady who needs cropped leggings. But how rich for this writer to claim fat people are people worthy of having their humanity recognized in the same sentence saying all baby-killing should be permissible.

So according to this writer Fat People's Feelings > Lives of Unborn Babies

And fat pride feminists wonder why everyone else loathes them. I'll explain why after making this point. Both of these OpEds are stupid. Both women are wrong. Multiple things can be true at once, but none of these things are applicable to either of these insipid writers.

• Nike can market their products to more than just a certain size range. The end.
• All people are still people regardless of their size, be it a tiny embryo conceived in rape, or a fat lady seeking a crop top. All people deserve to be treated as human beings. A fat person cannot diminish the humanity of an unborn person just because she doesn't like that a different person dislikes fat mannequins.
• The reason people despise the fat pride movement or anything they perceive to be the advancement of the fat pride agenda isn't that we non-fatties hate fatties. We just don't like being told to embrace something as beautiful or healthy if we don't find it beautiful or healthy. We want to exercise our right to choose what we like. Read also I'm a Hefty Guy and There's Nothing 'Body Positive' About Embracing Your Obesity.

Not everything is about your pet cause, especially when it involves a business trying to make money. Nike just wanted to pocket more cash from a sizeable demographic. See what I did there? That was it. In conclusion, buy the clothes you want to buy, do the exercise you want to do, and keep the abortion analogies relevant.

Now excuse me, I'm going to go put on my workout clothes to go hit things.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff