If you can't move mountains, rename them. That's what President Obama did today in Alaska, renaming Mt. McKinley to Denali. Because McKinley didn't build that. Why Denali? No, it's not named after the GMC line of SUVs. Though that would've been better, a rich sort of irony, considering one reason Obama is in Alaska is to talk about climate change/global warming and the supposed big bad wolf that is the SUV. But no, that's not the namesake. The Wall Street Journal sums it up:

Denali, an Athabaskan word meaning “the high one,” has been the name used by Native Alaskans for centuries, and Mt. McKinley has long been a politically controversial replacement. A prospector exploring the area named the 20,320-foot-high peak after William McKinley after his nomination for president in 1896. In 1901, after Mr. McKinley was assassinated, the U.S. Board on Geographic Names “hurriedly” endorsed it despite the fact that the president had no connection to the mountain, according to the 1995 cartography book “Drawing the Lines—Tales of Maps and Cartocontroversy” by Mark S. Monmonier.

When the Russians owned Alaska, the mountain was known as Bolshaya Gora, which means “big mountain.”

Presumably this means that the mountain had its original name restored. Unless some other tribe called it "the big one" before the Athabaskan's called it "the high one." Who's to say? They're territorial little bastards. Regardless, how kind of Obama for taking time out of his golf schedule to give the mountain its name back. We wonder if he'll ask Caitlyn Jenner to do the same, or honor Israel a bit more, since it was Israel first. Sorry, Palestinians. They're territorial little bastards.

Look it, names of regions and countries change all the time. Example: before it was Germany it was West and East Germany, and a long time ago in a galaxy of pantaloons and tall ships, it was Prussia. For realzies. The mountain renaming is just a chance for Obama to insert himself in the news and show how important and caring he is. Because feelings. Or maybe he did it to subvert Kanye's presidential announcement. Maybe to take the news away from Miley Cyrus and her lack of talent and clothing. Though she does have reproductive organs. That Obama, he's such a wrecking-ball (sorry, couldn't help it). Obama is waving a rainbow flag and telegraphing how much he cares about native Alaskans of the days of yore, over "white" Americans who wanted to honor an assassinated president with a giant mountain. Bastards.

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By Courtney Kirchoff