Great news, everyone! There is new The Science for us all to follow! If your kid is fat, you should consider drugs and surgery. Only if they are at least twelve and thirteen, though. Drugs and surgery before that would be inadvisable.

This is the latest guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Not unlike how masking your kids was a guidance. I want to make sure I quote this part verbatim:

For the first time, the group's guidance sets ages at which kids and teens should be offered medical treatments such as drugs and surgery — in addition to intensive diet, exercise and other behavior and lifestyle interventions.

You and I know how the internet goes. It's going to be presented as drugs and surgery instead of diet and exercise. And that's just not the case. It also doesn't make the guidance sound any less batsh*t crazy. Or as a colleague put it at the water cooler, you pump kids full of the FDA food pyramid-mandated carb diet, set them in front of screens all day, then think the solution is more drugs and the knife.

It comes down to three things: eating less, moving more, and parenting. If you want to fight your kid's obesity and are tired of having to buy a new wardrobe every time they outgrow the old one, have them eat less and move more.

It might also mean making different lifestyle choices for yourself too. My mom was a teacher for twenty-five years, and you would see at field days what the skinny parents were feeding their skinny kids and what the fat parents were feeding their fat kids. I remember one mother using chocolate-covered potato chips to shovel mounds of sour onion dip into her mouth. SPOILER: her son was not picked first for kickball.

Though what I find most amusing about this guidance will be when the fat pride and body positivity folks start to devour the research. Instead of pumping your kid full of drugs and putting them under the knife, you should celebrate them being at risk for diabetes and heart disease!

Editor’s Note

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