Hey pretty dumb thing,

Not many people get not one, but two open letters from me. I guess that means you're special. Or perhaps that's "special." Because you, pretty dumb thing, done f*cked up. Bad. Real bad. In just a few months, you've been instrumental in a billion dollar deal's catastrophic unraveling, torpedoing an arrangement which likely took hundreds if not thousands of negotiating man hours. A deal which would've continued ringing the till for New York for years to come. No, my use of big words like "catastrophic" isn't that hyperbolic (that's fancy speak for "exaggeration"). A spokesperson for Amazon directly cited you and your constant hostility as the main reason Amazon is taking its 25,000 jobs and all its billions of dollars and going elsewhere.

Which means you, Alexandria, cost your state untold billions in tax revenue. You, Alexandria, cost New Yorkers new job opportunities. You, Alexandria, cost real estate agents, local businesses like restaurants, shopping centers, veterinarians, legal firms, florists, butchers, bakers, and scented candlestick makers, some extra cash which would've been shelled out by those same 25,000 Amazon employees making those big Amazon dollars.

See, those Amazon jobs weren't trivial jobs. A lot of those jobs were career kinds of jobs. Like, jobs with, like, big dollars and stuff. Like, with six figures, like.

Those Amazon employees would've injected some serious cashflow into New York's local economy, is what I'm trying to say. So while Amazon maybe wouldn't have directly hired your preferred class of people (the low-skilled, as it were, who need government to give them all the free stuff you promise), undoubtedly the Amazon employees would've impacted the low skilled labor force by tipping them at cafes, hiring them to clean their apartments, walk their dogs, wash their cars, drive them to work, pull their espresso.

Trickle down, sweetie. It's a thing.

Of course, you don't care about trickle down. You don't care about economics or how capitalism benefits people. Because you're a socialist. You believe the government is more capable of taking care of people than people are of taking care of themselves. A point you reiterated in your silly Green New Deal. A point you disproved with your move against Amazon.

Remember, the government is comprised of people -- many of whom have all the intellectual prowess of a can-opener, with a fraction of the utility. People like you. Related: Dear Liberals: Your Cult-like Faith in Government is Disturbing.

But enough about your tragic stupidity. I'd like this open letter to focus on the grandiose nature of your ego. Because you, pretty dumb thing, are an egotistical airhead, who more than anything, believes in her own sense of grandeur. And the ability to stop cow farts.

Your stupidity, combined with your massive ego, is all that can possibly explain your thoughtless, careless actions. Actions which have rightfully earned derision from your fellow New York politicos like Andrew Cuomo and Bill De Blasio.

Your quick rise to notoriety has inflated your sense of importance while overshadowing your shortcomings. It's now up to your peers in government to pat that pretty head of yours, telling you to sit down, shut up, and listen. Before you unravel their grand plans.

Will you? I doubt it. Humility is for those wise enough to know they know little. And you, Alexandria, are too conceited to understand just how little you know. Were you to ever read this letter, you would take every criticism I make about you and chalk it up to racism or some internalized misogyny. Neither applies.

I'm not sure how, I'm not sure when, but at some point, one of your peers will try to set you straight. See Alexandria, you pose an enormous threat to your own party. Which, hey, is all good to me. Your ego, your willingness to push your harmful socialist agenda for all to see, bodes well for Republicans who can simply point to you and your dangerous socialist ideas as the future of the Democrat party.

But anything that bodes well for Republicans is a threat to your fellow Democrats. Hubris always brings down those who think they're too big to fail. Which means you, pretty dumb thing, are on borrowed time.

Tick tock.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff