We celebrated the one-year anniversary of "15 Days to Flatten the Curve" this week. You would think, now that it's more than a year, we would be done with dumbass restrictions. Possibly even weaning ourselves off the dumbass restrictions we're already stuck with. But California has to do California things. The state is finally giving residents their amusement parks back. But with a catch: You aren't allowed to have any fun at them.

The California Attractions and Parks Association (CAPA) backs a plan to limit the effect shouting and screaming — on AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES — may have on spreading the virus. California has guidelines already to limit singing. Now, no shouting either. At amusement parks. On roller coasters. Plus any other ride designed for no other reason than to scare the bejesus out of you.

"Face covering usage and/or modifications to seat loading patterns will be required on amusement park rides to mitigate the effects of shouting," CAPA wrote in its responsible reopening plan. "Additionally, on rides, guests generally face in one direction."

Why even bother opening up the amusement parks? The entire point of going to them is to hoot and holler with your friends. Also, no one CHOOSES to scream while they are on a roller coaster. It's a natural reaction. You sit in a car where your only safety equipment is a harness. You slowly start to ascend to the heavens. Then once you hit the top, the car shoots straight down without warning, then proceeds to spin you around in circles. No one thinks to themselves, "Hmmm, I think I'll decide to yell at a high volume now." Screaming is the natural instinct because you think you're going to die. Then you get back in line to go again. Because that feeling is AWESOME!

How do we mitigate that? Have health inspectors hand out citations as people get off the rides? Make the carney running the ride stop it mid-plunge until you calm yourself down? Maybe each theme park needs to have an animatronic Anthony Fauci there letting park-goers know how disappointed he is in all of them. I'm actually surprised a Democrat didn't write that into the stimulus bill.

The entire point of amusement parks is to scream and shout at amusement parks. Otherwise, there's no point in having amusement parks. Enough is enough with this junk.

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