Democrat Congressman John Conyers is the ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee. He is also the ranking member of sexually harassing women with his slithering one-eyed snake. Second only to the ranking member to purchase silence with fat stacks. Perhaps that's how they get down in Detroit.

When we say "hold on to your butts," because WeinsteinGatePaloozaGhazi was coming to Washington DC, we're not speaking frivolously. Hold onto your butt like John Conyers holds butts other than his own.

Documents from the complaint obtained by BuzzFeed News include four signed affidavits, three of which are notarized, from former staff members who allege that Conyers, the ranking Democrat on the powerful House Judiciary Committee, repeatedly made sexual advances to female staff that included requests for sexual favors, contacting and transporting other women with whom they believed Conyers was having affairs, caressing their hands sexually, and rubbing their legs and backs in public. Four people involved with the case verified the documents are authentic.

Conyers is 88-years old, which would make him 86 when the complaint was filed. I point out his age to offer the following warning: don't Google search for horny old man .gifs without your safe search on. Please have acid on standby. Should you fail here. Gotta wash the eyes out with something permanent.

Also, if Conyers is engaging in these kinds of creepy activities in his late 80s and he's been in office since 1965, one must horn in with some questions. If you believe Conyers only started whipping it out in front of people two years ago, I have a health care bill to sell you. Just sign here. Yes, yes, you can keep your doctor if you want. Pinky swear!

The woman who settled with Conyers launched the complaint with the Office of Compliance in 2014, alleging she was fired for refusing his sexual advances, and ended up facing a daunting process that ended with a confidentiality agreement in exchange for a settlement of more than $27,000. Her settlement, however, came from Conyers’ office budget rather than the designated fund for settlements (see This Law Lets Congress Settle Sexual Harassment Cases Secretly. Guess Who Foots the Bill…).

Right. So while still buying the accuser's silence with taxpayer money, the Conyer's settlement isn't from the $17 million dollar slush fund - also, of taxpayer money - that has paid victims since the 90s. If $27,000 is the going rate, we still have over 600 other shoes to drop. Call your bestie gay friend, it's about to rain Prada pumps.

In her complaint, the former employee said Conyers repeatedly asked her for sexual favors and often asked her to join him in a hotel room. On one occasion, she alleges that Conyers asked her to work out of his room for the evening, but when she arrived the congressman started talking about his sexual desires. She alleged he then told her she needed to “touch it,” in reference to his penis, or find him a woman who would meet his sexual demands.

Much like trying to pull off the naked man, asking a woman to stroke your crotch serpent never works.

Or so I've heard.

Three other staff members provided affidavits submitted to the Office Of Compliance that outlined a pattern of behavior from Conyers that included touching the woman in a sexual manner and growing angry when she brought her husband around.

One affidavit from a former female employee states that she was tasked with flying in women for the congressman. “One of my duties while working for Rep. Conyers was to keep a list of women that I assumed he was having affairs with and call them at his request and, if necessary, have them flown in using Congressional resources,” said her affidavit.

Democrats haven't started to circle the wagons with Conyers. Yet. I expect a lot of "whatabout Trump" with the infamous bus comment. Plus vigorous groping of Conyers stellar leftist voting record by lunch time. From the same media which says it loves women.

Sexual misconduct in DC is almost as commonplace as lying to the constituents with lofty campaign promises. "I promise to lower taxes. Without motor boarding my lady staff." Seems neither is true.

I'd just love to be a fly on the wall at the Conyers Family Thanksgiving. A fly. Not someone's new girlfriend at home to meet the family. Only to be squeezed by Conyers as he passes the cranberry sauce.

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