President Obama rolled out his plans on how to be a law-breaking turdpicker today. To get the musket-only-ball rolling, he was introduced by a father from a Sandy Hook victim. Classy, Obama. Standing on the graves of children? Check. Using emotions to manipulate other people's emotions? Double check.  Walk into a press conference about gun control with armed security? Locked and loaded.

"In the three years since those 26 precious lives were lost, far too many more lives have been lost to gun tragedies. Far too many people right now hearing these words are grieving the loss to gun violence."

"Gun violence." Interesting. Here's a point I want to make. When someone is killed in a car accident, is the car manufacturer to blame? Does someone say, "It's time to limit our cars?" No. In fact if the accident is a result of drunk driving, the driver is to blame. There are not calls to limit cars which travel at certain speeds. There are not calls to limit how much fuel you can put into the car. When someone dies in car accident, there isn't a massive call from the government to enact car-control.

Not the same, you say? Darn right it isn't. You actually don't have the right to drive or a right to an automobile. You do have the right to keep and bear arms, which shall not be infringed.

Trivia time! Guess what? Remember San Bernardino when TERRORISTS in gun controlled California killed 14 people? Obama ordered the flags at half mast in honor of victims of "gun violence." I poop swastica you not:

As a mark of respect for the victims of gun violence perpetrated on December 2, 2015, in San Bernardino, California, by the authority vested in me as President of the United States by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, I hereby order that the flag of the United States shall be flown at half-staff...

Sidenote: If enacting more gun control is about children, what about all the babies slaughtered in abortion? If it's about adults, what about all of the adults killed and raped by Islamic refugees across Europe (see Sweden's Open Islamic Immigration: Now Officially the Rape Capital of the West)? Okay, back to the presser.

Immediately Obama politicized with a lecture about how horrible we are for mass shootings. Yes, that's exactly what it was. He stood at the podium and lectured America for mass shootings, listing all the mass shootings and blaming every single one on the gun. Not the people who pull the trigger, just the tool. No, sorry to disappoint, Obama did not blame Obamacare's failures on the pen that signed it into law. Yeah, I was bummed, too.

OBAMA: "Other countries don't have mass violence and death."

Not true. Other countries have mass violence as well, just not involving so many firearms. But where there's a will there's a way. Take this chart comparing Britain's violent crimes to the United States:

With gun restrictions making it harder to obtain private weapons in the UK, violent crimes involving guns have greatly decreased. The number of total violent crimes, however, is almost double that of the US. Of those crimes, only 19% even involve a weapon, and only 5% of those involve a firearm. That means that of you’re roughly 1/100 chance of being involved in a violent crime in Britain and Wales in any given year, you have roughly a 1/10,000 chance of being in a violent crime involving a gun.

Here's a fun part of the presser, and when I say "fun" I mean I threw up a little...

OBAMA: "I believe in the Second Amendment, it's there written on the paper."

Our friend Adam Baldwin had the best response to this one.

Which is a great segue into the next point: Obama used "Hey, we have limits on our free speech because, it's like, not cool to yell FIRE in a crowded theater, folks" argument to try and reason manipulate people into supporting limits on the Second Amendment. Fortunately we have this:

OBAMA: "This isn't the slippery slope to mass gun confiscation. This is not a plot to take away everyone's guns."

Um...really? What is it then? And why did you feel the need to tell us we're all crazy for thinking it? Just because I want to be a contrarian, let me point out that slippery slopes are real. Ten years ago would you have believed a man would live as a six year old girl? And be interviewed by a guy who acted like it was totally normal? Obviously a tranny thinking he's a girl is not the same as Obama taking guns. I get that. The point is, slippery slopes exist. And can be gross. With penises.

Here's something else. In all the lies Obama told, like "some gun sellers can sell over the internet without a background check. 1 out of 30 with a criminal record could buy online thorough a website with no background check" lie (he casually omitted which website), he also dropped the oft cited lie about the gun show loophole. Fortunately we also debunked that crap. Read Myth BUSTED: The Gun Show 'Loophole' is a Giant Distraction. You're welcome. Not shut up about the loophole myth.

How did the next part of the presser go? Like this: Blah blah blah GUNS. Blah blah blah BACKROUND CHECKS. Blah blah blah COMMON SENSE. Blah blah blah, VIOLENCE. Blah blah blah SADNESS.

Trust me, I'm doing you a favor.

Then our dear leader trotted out the grand old "If we can even save one life it's totally worth it."

This is textbook liberalism. The value of the collective are invariably placed above individual rights. If we can save one life by passing all these crazy laws criminals won't follow but will score us political points with George Soros (but not his armed security), while making us feel awesome about ourselves, THAT IS WHAT MATTERS.

Incidentally, Obama also thinks we should take in Syrian refugees, many of whom are ISIS terrorists who want to kill Americans. Speaking of which, how about applying more stringent background checks to those, non-Americans entering the country before we start vilifying American gun owners? Who wants to bet if Obama will use his "even one life" line to impliment that? I wager zero.

OBAMA: "Congress makes it harder to research gun violence."

Partly true. As found on PRI.org:

Though gun violence and gun control has stayed in the forefront of the American conversation in recent months, most recently after Wednesday's mass killings in a developmental disabilities center in San Bernardino, California, prohibition on gun research goes back decades.

“The NRA complained to Congress that the CDC was using the results of its research to essentially advocate for gun control. They called it propaganda. And back at that time, Congress slashed the CDC’s funding by the exact amount that was used for gun-related public health research.”

“There is other research that goes on at the CDC that does have to do with guns,” says Zwillich. “There is a National Violent Death Reporting System, which does record the causes of all violent deaths, including in domestic abuse, youth violence, and child abuse. If a gun is the cause, that’s recorded — it’s not like they ignore it entirely. But gun deaths and gun injuries as a public health issue, as Rivara said, are still basically anathema to CDC researchers and anyone who gets CDC funding, which is potentially millions of dollars.”

In other words, don't study a tool like a virus. Because they're not the same, actually. Okay? Okay.

OBAMA: "I'm going to take executive actions on gun control." Because you're all buttlickers (not said, but that was subtext).

1. Anybody in the business of selling firearms must get a license and submit background checks or face criminal prosecutions. Doesn't matter if you're doing over the internet, a gun show...not where you do it but what you do.
2. Do everything we can for to be "smart and effective." We're going to hire 200 more ATF directors.
3. Do more for mental illness to get people help that they need. 2 and 3 gun deaths are from suicides. Let's prevent people from hurting themselves.
4. Gun accidents need to be stopped, so lets make guns like iPads. Improving gun technology will make guns safer.

Lots to unpack in the actual executive action part of this presser. Here's the big takeaway: Americans have the right to keep and bear arms. The end. The president is elected by the people. He is not a king. The end. Also, guns are not like apps on your phone, you raging moron of the land. Stop it, you're going to hurt yourself or others with your stupidity.

Okay, let's close this post out with the best moments, shall we? Obama actually cited civil rights which "didn't happen overnight" as a legitimate reason to start enacting gun laws now. Included? LGBTAIQ and Pi. Reminder, mentally unheathy people (which he never defined) are on Obama's target list. Transgendered people think they're the opposite sex than what they are. Let's talk about that...

Lastly, if you haven't upchucked into your empty ammo box yet, wait for it. Obama cried. Here's the context. He was citing our Right to religious liberty (that's rich, right?) then this happened...

If you think this is NOT the top of the slippery slope, if you think this is NOT the first step toward a national gun registry, what is it? What background check would've prevented mass shootings? Which law will stop criminals from breaking the law? What part of Obama's executive action on guns is going to prevent a criminal from killing someone?

Finally, I must confess something. I was so busy taking notes on this presser as it happened (because I luv you guys), then tweeting my frustrations, then taking a break every once in a while to puke, I might have missed that one time Obama talked about how terrorism was a threat. So if I missed it, if someone could please point it out, that would be great.