The following comes courtesy of a broad you've likely never heard of. She's a rapper named Princess Nokia. Maybe she really liked the phones when they were popular in the early 2000s. Don't get trapped up on the cellular name. Apparently, she was performing at a concert when a "white boy" started throwing some disrespect her way. I'm sure you can guess where this is going...

New York-based rapper Princess Nokia assaulted a white male audience member at a charity performance in England last week, declaring to the crowd: "that's what you do when a white boy disrespects you."

The rapper, whose real name is Destiny Frasqueri, was performing at prestigious Cambridge University when, she claimed, a man in the audience began to "disrespect" her by heckling. She then threw a drink at him, leapt off the stage and struck him three times.

It was then that Princess Nokia returned to the stage, threw another drink at the crowd in front of her, and made her "white boy" comment.

Not exactly the behavior of a real princess. Maybe "Raving Loon Nokia" or "Witch Nokia" are better monikers.

Reports are unclear as to what the heckler was saying. You know, because this took place at a concert. Loud noises and all. Some say he simply said "Let's go Abigail!" A fatal mistake. She's likely sensitive about her name, and rightly so. The moniker by which she is referred to is, after all, Princess Nokia.

His slip up warranted at least two drinks to the face and a flurry of fist flailing. Though the rap princess herself claims he was also mouthing obscenities her way. In which case, she managed to discern his thoughts out of an entire crowd of people despite the sound of blaring music and excited humans - while performing. Impressive.

Regardless of what truly went down, she was promptly showered with praise from fans and publications alike for her handling of said white boy.

Though come to think of it, if a white dude bragged about beating on a female heckler of color - saying "that's what you do when a black girl disrespects you"? Methinks the public reaction would be different. I know, I know, doing the gender/color switcheroo gets annoying. Alas, occurrences such as this are becoming more and more common in the racist realm of anti-white-maleness (see Lena Dunham: Extinction of White Men Would Lead to 'Evolution of Better Men...' and Student Union 'Diversity Advisor' Calls People to #KillAllWhiteMen).

So much so that when a white dude gets kidnapped and tortured, mainstream media won't label it a hate crime. But remember, it's the racist patriarchy that should be feared. Bigot.

Obliterating hecklers isn't all punching and games. Best to leave it to the professionals...

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