Remember that one summer at band camp when you wished you could jump the bus driver's bones? No? What about freshman year when you wanted to leap over the cafeteria barrier to make sweet love to the chubby guy slinging slaw? No? Okay, how about that one time you wanted to grab the janitor for a quickie during morning recess? Is this not ringing any bells for you? Maybe you were elitist and only wanted to do your biology teacher. The only thing that stopped you from reaching higher planes of sex ed was that pesky law saying you weren't a consensual adult until 18 or whatever. LAME! Here to agree with you, the teachers of Rhode Island and the ACLU, who, based on their opposition to a new law outlawing sex with students, are eager to right swipe on those pretty young things in high school.

The bill, sponsored by Rep. Alex Marszalkowski, D-Cumberland, says that any school employee — including bus drivers, vendors and school volunteers with supervisory authority — would be guilty of third-degree sexual assault if they have sex with a student between the ages of 14 and 18. (Under existing law, a person is guilty of first-degree child molestation sexual assault if he or she engages in sex with a person younger than 14.

So there seems to be a gray area between the spritely young ages of 14-18, and Alex Marszalkowski (say that name five times fast), wanted to close the door on sex perverts hoping to get nasty with Tiffani and Braden between third and fourth period.

“What we’re asking is that we protect students from all people who work with them in school,” Sanzi testified before the House Judiciary Committee on April 2.She said that, currently, “The deterrent is, yes, they can be fired, but that means they can jump to anywhere else in the country and get another job preying on kids.”

Seems legit. Credit to Alex here, trying to protect students of Rhode Island from Mrs. Robinson and Handsy McGrabberson. I don't see the controversy in outlawing sex with students under 18. But the Teachers' Union (who do it all "for the kids" remember) and the ACLU, they're not happy with laws against sexy school time.

But James Parisi, a lobbyist for the Rhode Island Federation of Teachers, said his union objects to the bill because it criminalizes conduct by teachers and other school employees while ignoring the myriad other jobs in which adults supervise youth between the ages of 14 and 18.

James Parisi is unhappy teachers got singled out. He says he wants sex between minors and authority figures outlawed too, like sex relationships between legislators and pages, pastors and young lay people, scoutmasters and scouts (I added this last one).

Fine. Let's create a law where it's just illegal to bang someone underage. I'm all for making this legislation sweeping. Thou shalt not do someone under the age of 18, lest thou wants to get done by Prison Mike.

The ACLU also expressed concern about targeting school volunteers, because a volunteer coach could be close in age to a student and run afoul of the law under this bill.“While one may disagree whether this type of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ conduct is appropriate ... it should not be a felony,” the ACLU said.

Define "close in age." Also, is anyone else bothered by how both the union and the ACLU are just really concerned with stopping all the sex at high school? I thought high school was a place of learning, not a place of orgasms. So allow me to lay down my two pennies here. No adults should be having sex with students. To engage in nookie with someone who should be hitting the bookies, should find themselves playing hookie with Big Sookie.

Yeah, the rhymes. I had wine last night.

So let's start with just outlawing the sex with the students. Let's just make some laws about that, then maybe some more laws on top of those laws ensuring students are safe from schoolhouse perverts. Common ground?

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