How long before this post is flagged as "fake news" by Facebook? Sure, I could insulate myself by dropping an "OPINION" in the title, but women having periods isn't an opinion no matter how badly I wish it were. Women have periods. Men do not have periods. A period occurs when blood is shed from the wall of a uterus doing the first stage of a woman's menstruation cycle. Blood cannot shed itself from a uterus if there is no uterus. A man hasn't a uterus. Ergo a man's body cannot shed blood from that which he doesn't have, the same way a woman cannot get a penial erection as she hasn't a penis. This is as settled as science comes, save that pesky dream-limiting force called gravity which prevents me from being my own airline.

Yet time and time again, we are told by some of the same people who say "climate science is settled" that "men can get periods, too."

No.

No.

No.

And for the last time, no.

Here's what's prompting me to write the most basic human anatomy lesson I never thought I'd have to give:

Jamie is a woman taking testosterone to pass as a man. She does this quite well. But Jaime still has a uterus and still has periods. Jamie isn't a man, Jamie is a woman who looks like and sounds like a man. Lower voice, facial hair, chest hair, believing we all care about his opinion. I kid, I kid.

Then Jamie says this:

"One of the biggest misconceptions is that periods are only experienced by women but..."

No. Only women experience periods. Except for the men who live with those women who have periods. Then men experience periods by experiencing what it's like to be with a woman who has a period.

"...in reality, transgender men are real men, we're just born a little bit different than other guys."

No. See, that statement contradicts itself. "In reality, transgender men are real men." Not even if you smear vaseline on your eyes to blur your vision, drink raw petroleum to gravel up your voice, and cook all your meals with rails, snails and puppy dog tails. Transgender men are women who are gender-confused or unhappy about being women (periods can be a valid reason, I hear you), and want to be dudes. But wanting to be something is not the same as being something. Example: I want to be a crazy horse lady millionaire who maintains a rocking hot body on a diet subsisting mostly of brownies. Yet no matter how badly I wish it, brownies don't transform fat into muscle mass. WHY CAN'T BROWNIES IDENTIFY AS KALE? WHY CAN'T AUTO LOAN DEBT IDENTIFY AS MILLIONS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT?

As jockstraps, face razors, and violent video games are largely marketed to sell to men, so are tampons marketed toward women. Because tampons are for women. The only people who buy tampons are women who need tampons. Or the men who live with the women who need tampons.

Biology isn't hate speech. Biology doesn't care about inclusivity, exclusivity, or how a pink box makes you feel as a man or a gender-identifying man. Biology cares about existence and perpetuating existence. The only way to perpetuate existence is to reproduce. The way human beings reproduce is through sexual reproduction. Sexual reproduction takes a male and a female. Males and females are different on purpose. They are different not to make you feel bad or to confuse you. Males and females are different because that's how life made us in order to make life. Yes, I'm keeping this as simple as possible for the idiots in the back. You don't have to think it's fair, you don't even have to like it. But thinking biology isn't fair and disliking that we're different doesn't change reality, no matter how many times you set up a camera and speak in front of it saying "transgender men are men."

Men are men. Women are women. The science is settled.

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff