It's the little things in life. The sun and weather signaling that spring is on the way. The sound of happy families as they walk the kids to school with the dog. Day drinking. Also, watching a shoplifter get KTFO'd with a bottle of Coke. We assume Coke because... Pepsi? Ew gross. As we all revel in another week of winning under the Trump administration, please enjoy this chucklehead who sucks at life.

As with most videos, we don't know where this takes place. We'll call it somewhere in America. It could even be in real America, as opposed to a progressive-run city. It's not that shoplifting doesn't exist in rural areas or the suburbs; it's just not encouraged like it is in New York City, San Francisco, and Chicago.

Context matters. Maybe our friend here did not have a backpack full of chips, Entemans, and juice pouches. Or, maybe he was stealing bread to feed his family. Whatever the context, security was not letting this modern-day Jean Valjean exit without paying.

Another employee was stocking the soda endcap and saw his colleague needed backup. Here the junior Josh Allen is in the pocket:

And DOWN HE GOES! It's a direct hit. He went down faster than a sorority girl who hears you have Taylor Swift tickets.

Today is the trade deadline for the NFL, and the New York Giants are desperate for a new quarterback. Instead of wasting draft picks, just hire this guy.

And I know what some of you are saying right now. "But Brodigan, isn't everything better with music?"

Yes. Yes, it is.

What have we learned, children? We've learned to always be ready so that you don't have to get ready. The clerk was no doubt trained for this moment. His assistant manager had the other employees running drills, and when our dude got the ball—or the Coke—all that situational training kicked in.

We've learned to always have an escape route.

And we've learned that worse than being caught by security is being caught by a security camera. Being caught by security is embarrassing at the moment. Being caught by the security camera turns you into content and a laughing stock among all your other shoplifting friends.

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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