Chuck Schumer should give his less funny cousin comedy lessons. Because if this is the Democrat's new game plan, it's funnier than any joke Amy Schumer stole from a much funnier comedian (see Uh Oh! Another Video Alleges Amy Schumer Steals Jokes… and Presenting the Definitive Collection of Amy Schumer Stealing Jokes…).

Democrats will win if the media shows lots of sob stories. Emotional stories. Stories that make you feel worse than Steven and Jared did watching the other Schumer's Netflix special.

The pictures of people being deported will rally the nation. And these more mainstream Republicans — admittedly, not a majority of the Republican Party, but enough — when they add them to Democrats, could pass the bill.

I see. This is the game Chuck wants to play? Stories in the media? Ok, let's play. Grab me the bottle of Four Roses. Let's go shot for shot.

1. Illegal Immigrant Commits Four Sexual Assaults Using Uber
2. Illegal Stabs Senior in the Neck. He’s Been Deported 7 Times…
3. Watch: Illegal Accused of Killing Cops: “I wish I had killed more…”
4. Illegal Crook Rapes Two After Sanctuary State Oregon Releases Him…
5. Sanctuary City Success: Illegal Rapes Woman. He Was Deported 20 Times…

That's five without even trying.

I'd prefer having a serious conversation about immigration. Both legal and illegal. The recently announced Trump plan seems like a fine start (but not according to Ted Cruz). Yeah, I know some of you are scrubbing your #MAGA tattoos off with harsh acids. Hey, you do you. This is why you shouldn't get tattoos after a night of heavy drinking.

But Democrats want to write to the usual sob stories they always push. That's fine. Your leftist supporters who live in sanctuary cities will retweet the hell out of whatever hashtag you come up with. If there's one thing the #SchumerShutdown showed us, it's that Americans aren't keen on the government being shut down over illegals.

If Democrats want to play this game, fine. I see your DREAMer valedictorian working her way through med school. And I raise you Kate Steinle.

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