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Culture WarsFebruary 10, 2024
"The loss of these nuts": Trans woMAN loses court case after ex-boyfriend threw out her surgically removed testicles
A Michigan woman lost her court case against her ex-boyfriend to get her testicles back. See, the woman had her testicles surgically removed, thus making her a woman. She kept those testicles in a jar in the refrigerator and claimed her ex refused to give her her testicles back. The ex-boyfriend countersued over being "humiliated" by the charge, but that also was dismissed by a Michigan judge.
We will be adhering to the AP Styleguide definition of "what is a woman." It makes the story more hilarious that way.
How did we get here?
Brianna Kingsley, per the Detroit News, filed an affidavit last August against her ex-boyfriend William claiming he, and I quote, "retains possession of my surgically extracted testicles, preserved in (a) Mason jar, kept in (the) fridge next to the eggs." Unclear is if by eggs Brianna means from the supermarket or someone's ovum. I'll be honest, I'm doing my best not to ask questions and just let this story happen.
SHE demanded the return of HER "human remains specimen." Also, $6500 cash. You know, what with pain and suffering and all that jazz. EDITOR'S NOTE: I saw Human Remains Specimen open for The Misfits in 1998.
Brianna appeared to have featured her now detached testicles in a TikTok video entitled "The Unboxing of Dees Nuts," according to the New York Post. She removed a bag labeled " biohazard" and did a dance. Unclear is if her actual testicles were in the bag. All we know at this time is that the most offensive thing about this entire story is how Brianna would sully the sanctity of DEEZ NUTS jokes.
The Unboxing of Dees Nuts.
Read the story here: https://t.co/BEhEBxlftd pic.twitter.com/l6Cj5waCNA
— Tampa Free Press (@tampafreepress) February 8, 2024
William, the ex-boyfriend, told the Detroit News this incident was clear evidence Brianna had been harassing him after they split. And that -- she -- took everything she wanted when she moved out. William feels the whole thing is getting ridiculous. "She’s been harassing me ever since we broke up. I had to take out a PPO against her."
Though when asked if he was going to keep Brianna's testicles, he would only answer with a coy, “I don’t owe her anything."
“The damages were the loss of these nuts.”
The judge was not impressed with any of these claims, per the New York Post:
“We’re talking about my nuts. … I wanted them in my fridge — not his,” Kingsley told a court hearing. “The damages were the loss of these nuts.”
Wojciechowski, meanwhile, said he’d already tossed out the testicles — and filed a counterclaim for the same amount, claiming he’d been “humiliated” by coverage of the nutty case by “worldwide news outlets,” the Detroit News reported.
Wojciechowski told the judge he tossed out the testicles in July.
“They were rotting in my fridge, and it was disgusting — I’ve got food in there I wanted to eat,” he said. “She didn’t keep them in a biohazard container like she was supposed to.”
The problem the judge saw was that there was no way to put a price tag on such a claim, like had Ms. Kingsley missed work for $16 dollars an hour. You can really put a dollar amount on missing testicles.
Missing testicles, that Ms. Kingsley had the opportunity to retrieve when a sheriff's deputy brought HER to the home to retrieve HER things in January 2023. And I quote: “Ms. Kingsley failed to retrieve the testicles from the refrigerator at that time. … If they were so important to her, she had the opportunity to grab them, and she didn’t."
As a side note, the state paid for the original $20,000 chop-your-balls-off surgery since Ms. Kingsley is apparently disabled. I think they mean physically.
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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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