If you don't yet know, WHO has just admitted that COVID-19 doesn't spread as asymptomatically as they once thought. Whoops. Oh sure, it can spread asymptomatically, but that's not how COVID prefers to spread. Which means, and I'm just paraphrasing here:

WE DID ALL THIS F*CKING SHUTDOWN GARBAGE FOR NOTHING!

Just in case there are a few people too busy shoving their heads up their butts so as not to admit maybe the shutdown was a grand disaster of atomic proportions, allow me to outline what needs to happen next to get us back to normal. Not the new normal, but the normal normal. Today. As in now. As in now. As in right f*cking now. Not to be confused with later. Not to be confused with next week, next month, or 2021. Now. As in right f*cking now.

NO F*CKING PHASES

If I have to hear about "entering phase two" I will burst a blood vessel, if not an ear drum of some poor schmuck living in the same township as I. Remember, the original plan was "15 days to flatten the curve" or some other tedious bullshit with a hashtag, a radio campaign, a social media campaign, a virtue signaling campaign from every company that has now — or will ever exist — with the constant emails about "What we're doing to slow the spread" bull caca. No, Verizon, I don't give two tiny craps what your company is doing for COVID-19.

It's been more than 15 days, and we have more than enough evidence the WuHuFlu is a bad cough that isn't even CLOSE to deserving the caution we gave it. Businesses were closed. People were actually arrested and jailed for trying to OPEN their business. They need to be freed. They need to be paid. Everyone who got told what to do in what phase can just flip both middle fingers to the phases.

No more f*cking phases. End the phases. Just end them. No accelerating to the next phase. No attempts to cover anyone's ass. No phases at all.

I want to be super clear here. Phases are stupid. The shutdown was stupid. In fact, I'm not sure "stupid" is a strong enough word for what the shutdown was, as "stupid" just addresses a lack of intelligence.

Here as some other words to describe the shutdown: disastrous, perilous, psychotic, manipulative and evil. Considering what some people have lost, FOREVER, including years off their lives if not their actual lives, I feel like even those words might be a little tempered.

NO F*CKING MASKS

Since this disease isn't nearly as bad as the supposed "experts" thought, and isn't spread as widely asymptomatically as the "experts" once said, why oh WHY are perfectly healthy people wearing f*cking masks absolutely f*cking everywhere?

I feel like I should explain why I'm replacing the u with an asterisk in the Eff You See Kay word. I'm not entirely sure, but something tells me Facebook will look for any reason not to show you this OpEd. Call it a hunch.

The masks to me have always been borderline functionally retarded. Especially when I see people jogging, f*cking jogging, with masks. If the Darwin Awards ever made it into the wild, I know what it should look like. A jogger with a f*cking mask. Tied only with mountain bikers with f*cking masks. Followed with people driving in their cars with f*cking masks.

Last Friday I went into the orthodontist's office. My head was thermometer-lasered. I was asked questions about my health: did I have a temperature recently, any shortness of breath, have I co-mingled with anyone dancing with COVID, how did I file on my tax return, what did I think of Tiger King, who is my fantasy husband and yes we are now divorced after his virtue signal on #BlackOutTuesday thanks for asking. When I came back all clear since I think I already had Kung Flu in December, I was told to wear a mask. I was grilled with the same questions and told to wear a mask in a dentist's office two weeks prior.

Think about it for a second. An orthodontist's office. A dentist's office. A face mask.

If you don't wear a f*cking mask for the common cold, you shouldn't wear a f*cking mask for COVID-19. The end. No sequel. No director's cut. So all these companies telling you to wear a mask beforeyou can enter, like Costco, and all these companies forcing their employees to wear masks all damn day, can stop it now. Now now, not later. Not next week. Not in the next phase. Now. As in right now. Take your mask off your face. Crumple it up. Throw it away. You're done with it. You're done with it now.

NO F*CKING SOCIAL DISTANCING AND THE DUMBASS F*CKING SIGNS THAT GO WITH IT

Have you seen the dumb tape on the ground asking you to only go one way down the aisle at a grocery store? Yeah, same. I ignore every f*cking one of them. As does everyone else, included the masked wonders who think their mask erases the need to stay six feet from me.

But all this six feet apart bull caca, which I admit I already do because people are the worst, was under the auspices that this COVID-19 was a killer virus that just spreads like CRAZY. Turns out... NO.

So all the floor signs, the signs at the door telling me to wear a f*cking mask to keep employees safe, telling me to maintain my distance, just go the hell away. Restaurants can bring back their tables and chairs. Venues can open wide. Home Depot doesn't need to keep people outside so only a certain number of people are inside. It's stupid, has always been stupid, is now proven stupid. It needs to stop. It needs to stop now. Not later. Not in phase two, or three, or however many the hell phases there are supposed to be. Now.

Events that were canceled due to COVID, because state parks canceled due to COVID, because government told those parks to close because COVID, need to eat crow, admit they made the wrong call, and open everything up. Now. Here's looking at you, all my canceled horse events.

LEARN FROM THIS F*CKING NONSENSE

Government will always try to take more control of our lives. They learned a crap from this experiment. Do the same.

Remember the shutdown. Remember COVID-19. Remember the models, the myths, the shaming, the virtue signaling, the personalities who went along with it, who encouraged it. Remember which of your friends were fine to rat out parents playing in parks with their kids. Remember the people in your life who wanted to protect their rights. Remember everything. Remember what governors didn't shutdown. Remember what governors did. Remember what CEOs and billionaires wanted to take more of your rights and track you, and remember what CEOs called out the bullshit. Remember that media made a complete 180 on the shutdown as soon as the riots started. Remember how WHO admitted maybe COVID-19 didn't spread as widely through asymptomatic people as they thought... which people would've learned after the riots were allowed to carry on. Remember that Trump went along with the debunked Ferguson model. Even AFTER it was debunked.

Just remember this. News cycles fade out. This wasn't just a news cycle. This was a period of disaster for a lot of people. Life and death for thousands if not millions of people.

Our lives were taken from us. Even those of us who thought this shutdown was all bullshit from the very f*cking start had our lives altered. Funerals not attended. Weddings canceled. Church canceled. Our culture was canceled. For nothing.

End the shutdown. Now. And NEVER let it happen again.