Is it just me, or is the guy with the pink shirt (left) totally skipping?

Don't you hate it when you're having a giant dinner party and suddenly all your guests disappear? You're not sure if they're hiding in the linen closet or grabbed the butcher knife and ducked into the shower, so they could jump out and saw your head off while screaming the Psycho theme song.

Europe is experiencing a similar problem, only not with houseguests but Migrant refugees, thousands of whom claim to come from Syria, many of whom would probably love to saw heads off with knives. Because, that's right, ISIS is among these "refugees," thousands of whom have vanished.

Germany is reporting that thousands of Muslim immigrants, who flooded refugee camps as they fled Africa and the Middle East are... missing. I don't know about you, but when I hear that some ISIS guys have done a bunk and are totally not where they should be, makes me feel a little nervous. But I'm racist, so what do I know.

So where do thousands of immigrants disappear to, you ask? Maybe they're meeting up with Ahmed to build suitcase clocks. Or maybe they're hitting the taverns to enjoy some beer. Perhaps ten or twenty thousand are meeting with terrorist cells, because ISIS told us a few months ago they were planning on infiltrating Europe. Just a thought.

We can probably rule out that most of them aren't high-tailing it back home. Though to be fair, some of them in Finland are, because the nightlife sucks. Yes, really. Read about these Iraqi refugees who are so bored with Finland they're going BACK to Iraq. But if we had to guess where some of these guys were hiding out, maybe Great Britain? Hey, who doesn't want to go to Hogwarts?

But we're not so good with the guessing, so here are some expert opinions:

Pamela Geller noted this week, citing German press reports, more than one in two refugees from one camp went missing and are now unaccounted for and considered “on the run.”

At least 580 refugees initially were reported to have disappeared from Camp Shelterschlefe. Now, in a “terrible new twist,” the disappearances are spreading.

“It’s become an epidemic,” Geller said. “7,000 migrants have left the Brandenburg shelters. Where are they going? Who is sheltering these illegals, many with ties to ISIS?”

Such a high number of people hiding is “completely unacceptable,” according to the German authorities.

“Where are they hiding? Could they be connecting with sleeper cells?” Geller writes.

Sounds about right. So these migrants who tugged at all the Twitter warrior hashtag hearts because they looked sad in photos, now that they're in the countries they intended to infiltrate, it's time to get busy. Meet up with sympathizers. Huddle over tables to talk plans. Maybe make a couple of bombs before evening prayer. Who knows, maybe they just need to brush up on their knife skills.

Let's just say I'm feeling less than charitable about the whole ISIS-refugee "crisis" at the moment. No worries, though! The UN has a plan, so sleep easy. Instead of keeping track of who comes in and out of countries, the UN is taking a more blanketed approach. UN Agenda Document 2030 outlines several goals the organization hopes to implement worldwide in the next 15 years. Target 16.9 reads as follows: “By 2030, provide legal identity for all, including birth registration.”

To accomplish this goal, the UN is working with Biometric Identity Management System to test universal IDs in refugee camps. Pretty sure the goal is for this program to go worldwide. Translation: you're next.

“The UNHCR will use Accenture’s Biometric Identity Management System (BIMS) for the endeavor. BIMS can be used to collect facial, iris, and fingerprint biometric data, and will also be used to provide many refugees with their only form of official documentation. The system will work in conjunction with Accenture’s Unique Identity Service Platform (UISP) to send this information back to a central database in Geneva, allowing UNHCR offices all over the world to effectively coordinate with the central UNHCR authority in tracking refugees.

“Starting with a pilot project in the Dzaleka Refugee Camp in Malawi, the program has blossomed over the last couple of years to provide services in refugee camps in Thailand and Chad, with over 220,000 people identified in the two countries so far.”

Generally speaking, we don't go for conspiracy theories. That said unless someone Not-Obama stands up to the UN and tells them where they can shove it, it appears your children can look forward to receiving a "universally recognized ID" from the UN before their 30th birthday.