Over the weekend, a man who proclaimed he was a woman and is taking estrogen presumably through a needle injected into his hairy ass, won a women's cycling championship. He then rubbed the silver medalist's face in his victory by acting like a typical douchey guy. But that's small potatoes. Because what you may not be aware of is something far worse. Chilling, in fact. Chris Pratt, man, posted a photo of a bagel bite turned hockey puck, which had been zapped of all edibility by his loving wife Katherine, woman. Humanity hasn't witnessed such sexism since Fred Flintstone declared "Wilma, I'm home!" And so the internet was torn asunder by rampaging Twitter trolls with likely 15-150 followers each, branding Chris Pratt with a scarlet S for "SEXIST." These trundling internet piglets garnered at least one outlet, The Indy100 from The Independent, to run a story about it (that's why we're here). Screen capture of their page (linked just above) which bears full witness to Pratt's barbaric sin.

Dear God in heaven.

Trigger warning to those delicate she-babies who cannot even sustain themselves when men doth look directly at them! For here is Pratt's offending Twitter post:

Here be the chauvinist's daring words:

Proud of my darling for trying to cook tonight. Did it go well? No. No it did not. Not at all. To quote Rocky Balboa, “It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get up... and keep moving forward.” As you can tell from the lump of coal in the center of the plate, this bagel bite never stood a chance. I honestly simply cannot imagine what went wrong here. Pretty simple. Microwave. 2 minutes. Maybe she thought it said 2 hours. But I want to commend her for her effort. This is a big step babe. Proud of you.

Here's the full Instagram post for those who can handle this flagrant, domestic abuse:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) on Oct 19, 2019 at 2:34pm PDT

Pratt's post twas a call to action for all those internet twits with lives so compelling, they miss every joke sailing over their heads like helium-filled beach balls. Up, up, and away it goes!

Yes, ladies and men who want to be ladies, that was it. A few internet dweebs trolling for ways to troll, found Chris Pratt's ribbing of his wife so offensive, they pecked responses on social media. At which point, The Independent's Indy100 thought "yeah, sure, let's run with this sucker." Enter me, who loves mocking people who can't handle mocking even if they're not the ones being mocked.

Because you know who probably doesn't give a tiny rat's anus about Chris Pratt mocking his wife's attempt at culinary excellence? HIS WIFE.

Now sure, to be fair, I've never met Katherine. But I've seen photos of her. Thy lady looks to be a cheery one. Also, there's a fairly good chance Katherine and Chris spent some quality time together before getting married. Dating, I think is the word here. I think they dated. Typically when two people date each other, they do this thing called "getting to know one another." I know, right? So 1950s of those dummies. While, like Katherine, I don't personally know Chris Pratt, I've seen enough of Chris being Chris to feel comfortable saying he's kind of a funny guy. As in he makes jokes. A lot. Probably all the time. Like this: Chris Pratt Fills in for Jimmy Kimmel. Classes the Place Up and Chris Pratt Openly Mocks Politically Correct, Fake-Outrage Culture.

All this to say, I'm fairly certain his wife Katherine isn't just down for the jokes of her now husband, she may actually like them. Here's another concept: WHAT IF SHE JOKES BACK?!

That's right. Some ladies like a little joking back and forth. Sit down for this, because some wives make fun of their husbands. It's like marriage for some couples is a partnership. Radical idea, am I right?

The only sexist thing I see are the idiots who think a woman can't handle a little joking coming from a place of clear love. She's fine. She can probably dish it out. So to all the internet heroes insinuating Pratt is some kind of caveman dragging his wife back to the cave by her hair, shut up. Katherine is a grownass woman and can handle herself fine. Even if she can't nuke a bagel bite.

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