The Pentagon confirmed on Tuesday that, for the first time, it will pay for a transgender soldier’s gender reassignment surgery. The soldier needed an extra place to stash his military-issued handgun. What better place to holster his weapon than where his crotch serpent once hung?

I was joking about the holster carry thing, just FYI.

Pentagon spokeswoman Dana White said in a statement shared by a BuzzFeed News reporter that an active-duty military member received sex-reassignment surgery Tuesday in a private hospital.

“Because this service member had already begun a sex-reassignment course of treatment, and the treating doctor deemed this surgery medically necessary, a waiver was approved by the director of the Defense Health Agency,” White said. “The Supplemental Health Care Program will cover this surgery in accordance with the Department’s interim guidance on transgender Service members.”

Now, if you're confused by this, what with President Trump banning transgender soldiers (see BREAKING: Donald Trump Bans Transgenders in the Military. Leftists Lose Their Crap! and LOL: Lady Gaga Accidentally Defends Trump’s Military Transgender Ban…), join the club. With all the Hollywood raping going on, we missed the story that a federal court partially blocked Trump's ban. Apparently to the Pentagon, the block in the ban meant it's time to start sawing off peckers. Time to start implanting knockers. Cut off the balls. Fluff the bewbs. Like a stiff pair of hotel pillows. All, by the way, at the TAXPAYER'S expense. Always replace "[government agency]" with "taxpayers" to really spike your blood pressure.

What you're likely wondering is how a military person is going to better serve in the military while looking kind of like the opposite sex. Via a new hole in his crotch. A fair question. Maybe he needs to vault over obstacles and doesn't want a dingle-dangle flapping about in his pantaloons. Maybe he really does need an extra place to store a handgun, or a spare magazine. Perhaps the tallywhacker was impeding his ability to lunge across a minefield with all the grace of a Russian ballerina. Maybe he was being ogled by George Takei.

Because, like you, I see no reason for the military to chop off a dick. I can't fathom how whacking off a whacker is going to improve the military's job of defending the United States. Can you?

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