If you're struggling to understand what a trans this or that is, here's a trick. Replace "trans" with "not" and that should solve the confusion. The vocabulary is a necessary primer for what seems like the ongoing cause du jour among those confused about their brains and bits. Over on the transgender women side of things, dudes are embodying every single stereotype associated with women while failing to grasp what a woman is aside from salon attendance. Over on the transgender men side of things, chicks insist their periods as men are worse than women's periods as women. I wish this kind of crazy could be bottled and sold (see WATCH: The UK is Now Teaching Boys that BOYS Can Menstruate and Teen Vogue Refers to Women as “Menstruators” in Article About Period Cups). So here comes NBC News to raise the bar with this story about Kenny Jones. Because it's not just the physical pain of periods that's a monthly suckfest, oh no. No, it's worse for tranny men because they deal with "emotional" pain too.

Pop a Midol, this is a doozy.

I didn’t believe that having periods would be a part of my lived experience. I felt isolated; everything about periods was tailored to girls, yet me, a boy, was experiencing this and nothing in the world documented that.

Wrong, everything in the world documents women having periods. Hang on a second, lemme look it up to make sure I have the correct words here, I wouldn't want to offend. Oh yes, here it is. Women have periods. Specifically women. They have periods. A period is what we call the bleeding phase of menstruation, but period just sits better. Women have gotten pretty good at coming up with different euphemisms for this phase of the moon cycle, my favorite being "I'm being visited by Aunt Flo" but period works too. Also, write this down it's important, women have periods.

You know who doesn't have periods? People who are not women. Specifically men. Men never have periods. In no point of a male's lifecycle should a man have blood coming out of his mushroom-capped giggle stick. If your peen have bleed you're in trouble. Seek more than WebMD.

So Kenny Jones can call herself whatever she likes. She can shoot up whatever hormones she likes. She can call herself a he, a she, a strapping he-warrior of the nether bleeds. I don't give a flying, superfluous jock strap. But that dude isn't a dude, he's a dame.

Girls have periods. It's well documented and I'm tired of saying it over and over and over again.

Having a period already causes me a lot of [gender] dysphoria, but this dysphoria becomes heightened when I have to shop for a product that is labeled as ‘women’s health’ and in most cases, is pretty and pink.

The one thing a woman never feels when visited by Aunt Flo is pretty. Hence Kotex, Playtex, and Walmart's version of those brands to save you a little extra cha-ching, package their compact gauze in a girly box, usually with lots of ribbon designs. To give the idea of uninterrupted grace. Which she isn't feeling. These girly packages are so gals short on glam and high on stomach bloat, swelling breasts, pimply faces, back cramps and a general hatred of human life can hate just one less thing. Kind of nice of them, when you think about it.

But please, let's hear about how a girl who thinks she's a dude has a period worse than girls who know they're girls just because she thinks she's a dude.

Some transgender and gender-nonconforming people who menstruate, like Jones, say when the products are categorized as women’s products, they can feel alienated — and may even avoid purchasing them altogether.

The only men who buy menstrual products are doing so for one or more of the following reasons:

• As an act of love for their female other half
• As an act of love for their female other half who is testing how much they're loved
• As an act of love for their female other half who geniunely forgot she needed such things (hey, it happens)
• Frat boys on a mission to prank
• Louder with Crowder studio boys on a mission to prank while filming

Transgender and gender-nonconfirming people who menstruate are women. Just as face-shaving cream is designed with BOLD ALL CAPS and manly fonts with dark colors FOR MEN, so are girly products for girls styled with girly designs.

If you, a woman, avoids purchasing a product because of the design of its box, you have much bigger problems than a little free bleeding. That's kind of the real issue here, isn't it? If you read the article in its entirety, you'll find the language and tone of the piece more hyperbolic than how a woman feels when she's in the dangerous PMS stage of her period. Except unlike the piece, women know they're being hyperbolic they just can't help it. This piece is being hyperbolic and sees no irony in how the doom and gloom of tampon packaging and prices speaks to how spoiled a first world and its transgender residents really are. Just wow, people.

If you're not going to get help for the gender dysphoria, get help for being such whiny, wimpy bitches. Because if a man started bleeding from his front hose, I just don't see him writing or being interviewed for such hyperventilating pieces of woe is me like this one. That dude would suffer in total silence, worried he was dying. Probably because bleeding from his compact crotch rocket means he's dying.

So no, lady who thinks she's a he. You shan't be granted a smidgen more sympathy from me for getting a period like every other healthy chick who gets her period. It sucks for us all. Do the rest of us a favor and handle it like the rest of us who are not whiny feminists do: silently, with each other, leaving the menfolk out of it unless we need to see how much they love us by sending them to pick up some supplies.

NOT SUBSCRIBED TO THE PODCAST? FIX THAT! IT’S COMPLETELY FREE ON BOTH ITUNES HERE AND SOUNDCLOUD HERE.