Halloween has brought out the stupid on college campuses lately (see Bill Maher Hilariously Destroys Anti-Halloween PC Liberals! and LOL: University of Florida Counsels Wimpy Students Offended by Costumes!). Well, even more stupid than was already present. UMass saw this as a challenge, and turned the stupid up to eleventy with Simple Costume Racism Evaluation and Assessment Meter” (S.C.R.E.A.M.).

We're not making this up.

Kudos to those meddling kids at Campus Reform for another great scoop...

It poses several costume-related questions, the answers to which take one to various points on a “threat meter.” The colors range from green (low) to red (severe).

If one intends to represent a person on Halloween, the only way to get a “green” threat rating is for the person to be of one’s own race. If one represents a person of another race, the “threat level” increases roughly in conjunction with the amount of makeup that one intends to use.

Even representing a “thing/idea” is dangerous, though, the flyer says. Warning against costumes that can only be understood in the context of “controversial current events or historically accepted cliches,” particularly if “these events or cliches relate to a person or people not of your race.”

I just...

Seriously though, there's a group of people who brainstorm this veritable sh!t. And I don't use that term lightly. People actually thought Halloween costumes were such an issue, they held a meeting. In the meeting, they created a threat assessment putting offensive costumes on the same level as terrorism. This is what goes on at college other than things like "learning" and "preparing kids for the future."

Not that you needed reminding, but Halloween is a holiday. It's meant to be fun. We're talking about a day in which people wear costumes pretending to be things they're not, while hoping to score lots of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Not off brand, muted colored "candy" that resemble (and taste like) Tums. There's also a special place in Hell for you off-brand candy dispensers. What's that about? If anything we should create a threat level for chalky candy, not triggering costumes.

Here's a costume idea for college students this year: dress like an adult. Wear business attire. Play it up with some glasses. Maybe a pocket protector if you're feeling super geeky. Carry a briefcase or attache. Ladies, wear pants which do not crawl up your butt crack. They're called "slacks." Not to be confused with "slacker." Which is what you are the other 364 days of the year.

At least they weren't monitoring threats when we did Cultural Appropriation month...

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