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I've been beating the minimum wage drum (for free, because that's how I roll) before Hillary started hiding emails and lying about it. Before Caitlyn Jenner dropped himself in a world of delusion. Before #BlackLivesMatter was more important than #AllLivesMatter. Before...you get the idea.

Well the great and powerful Walmart is facing some rollbacks and falling stock prices, and not even their trademark yellow, gender-fluid smiley face can save them. Walmart says it's has three key problems:

1. Theft
2. Stronger dollar
3. Minimum wage hike.

To the first point, people steal and that's no bueno. To counter some of this thieving, Walmart has brought back their cheery door greeters who are actually secret ninjas. So if you're greeted with "Welcome to Walmart" by a 77 year old woman with a walker, be warned. She's there to take your ass down if you try to steal as much as a banana. Those tennis balls on her walker are, in fact, filled with C-4. Happy shopping, punks.

Secondly, the stronger dollar? For realzies? Whatevs.

But number three, that's why we're all here. In some parts of the country, the minimum wage has skyrocketed to $15/hour. Why? Because someone somewhere doesn't give two craps about basic economics and just set an arbitrary number and called it "fairness." Probably a career politician. The minimum wage hike is so fair and wonderful and all things happy that even unions want to be exempted from it (after advocating for it). Other things from which they want to be exempt: basic economics. Also, humanity.

Here's the deal with the minimum wage: it's a random number that doesn't reflect the value of the work being done. Therefore raising the minimum wage to a higher arbitrary number, determined by someone with as much business sense as that of single-ply toilet paper, causes people to lose their jobs, because their jobs aren't worth that arbitrary number. Make sense? For example, the fairness gods might determine that a "fair," livable wage is $50/hour, or let's say $75,000 a year. But is a burger-flipper or a shelf-stocker worth that much? No, they're not. So what makes you think they're worth $15/hour?

Aha! See, you didn't think. There's your problem.

Employees are not paid based on fairness, they're paid based on job worth. McDonalds, for example, and now Walmart, cannot afford to pay a low-skill, ENTRY-LEVEL worker an arbitrary dollar amount. It's simple math, people. Besides, a minimum wage job was never meant to be a career. Most entry-level workers are young, inexperienced and/or just entering the job force. Raising the minimum wage puts them out of work. True story. Also true story: I once soiled myself in the 8th grade. The results were similar.

And now that Walmart has gone all touchy-feely and progressive about minimum wage, guess who gets the shaft? Young people, including young black men and women. Remember, Walmart is the largest employer for the black community in the country. Are these jobs career-level? No, most jobs at a retail store are not. But they're a start. Those jobs are the proverbial "foot in the door" of the job market. Walmart is also one of the largest employers overall in most states.

So what do you think is going to happen to all those entry-level employees when the wage hike hits? Ding, ding, ding! They'll lose those jobs. Will we be hearing from Al Sharpton or the Reverend Jackson about how the minimum wage forces young black Americans out of work? Don't hold your breath. What will happen? Likely more of the same: whining politicians who bemoan the giant retailer and its ridiculous profit-needs (those greedy bastards) while ignoring the destruction of their own leftist policies.

Meanwhile, the #BlackLivesMatter crowds will continue to destroy their own communities and won't blink an eye at losing jobs. Hey, that frees up a lot of time to protest, doesn't it?

Priorities.