People get their daisy printed panties in a tizzy over the darndest things (Jeff Sessions Announces End of DACA. Cue Leftist Outrage. and Google Employee Writes Reasonable Anti-SJW Memo. Outraged Leftists Call for His Head…). The most recent? Disney added a white dude to the live-action Aladdin remake. That's even more triggering than animated cartoon being voiced by white guys.

Billy Magnussen, who played a prince in Disney ensemble musical Into the Woods, has been cast as Prince Anders, thought to be a love rival to Aladdin, a street rat, in his pursual of Princess Jasmine. Nasim Pedrad, a former cast member of Saturday Night Live, has also joined the cast list as another new character, Mara, handmaiden and friend to Jasmine.

So couldn't Prince Anders be from a distant kingdom which is *GASP* caucasian? Maybe Prince Anders is the guy riding the white horse with two asses (from the cartoon, which is still the classic I don't even know why they're remaking this movie, Abu, holy crap).

But all that doesn't matter. These same people who probably lost their lunch over Ben Affleck being cast as Batman are going full rage over a white guy being cast as a new character, in a film which is adding new characters all the time. These people need jobs. Fortunately it's my job to mock their lack of jobs. The universe has a way of working out sometimes.

Here be some outrage gems:

Don't be sad to be white. Be sad to be pathetic and triggered over a movie about genies and flying carpets.

Wait, weren't there black people in Beauty and the Beast? When the animated film was ALL white? Including the dancing candlesticks and desk clocks? Someone fact check this.

Maybe he slept with someone. Or maybe so you'd lose your crap in epic fashion. Toss up.

In front of her SALAD?! OH THE HUMANITY!

Most people are mad because the white dude makes Aladdin "inaccurate." Then there's this guy:

This one's easy. Ben Shapiro was too busy owning the left to audition for the God carpenter. They went with the next best choice.

The Aladdin thing is easy, too. The original Disney cast was voiced by white people (as already stated) and no one gave any craps. Meaning the cartoon characters were brown painted caucasian people. Even the blue genie was played by a white comedian who once called Marin, California (a white haven for rich people) his home. So...

Also, Jasmine wasn't in a hijab, but a slutty blue garb more befitting of I Dream of Genie. Or a fat pride feminist who feels "brave." She also wasn't drowned in an honor killing for riding a magic carpet next to a street rat she wasn't married to, sans parental supervision. Little tiger-cuddling harlot.

Inaccuracies in Aladdin sprinkle the air like magic blue genie dust. It is, after all, just a freaking movie. And this white character? He's one character. And not even the main character. If you're raging like Jafar on a bad hair day, maybe don't wish for more wishes. Use a wish to get a brain. Or a chill pill. It'll be a big pill, so also wish for some lubricant.

Even the source material 1001 Arabian Nights is up to debate. So who actually knows what the characters looked like. But more importantly, who cares?

Now watch this video about actual things that actually matter:

Co-written by Courtney Kirchoff and Nichole Cooper

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