If you don't have Unchained Melody in your head right now, you're reading this story all wrong. I'm going to link it for you after you watch this video of Amethyst Realm (hold your laughter) explaining her salacious love affair, and pending marriage, to a poltergeist. This woman is one hundred percent real and she's incredible. Note the italics.

From The New York Post:

In December, Amethyst Realm told British TV show “ITV This Morning” that she cheated on her fiancé with a ghost, and has since gone on to have supernatural affairs with at least 20 paranormal beings.

Well, now she says she’s found true love with an apparition.

Aw!

Before we continue, as promised a link to Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. Now where were we? Oh right, the proposal. Someone grab me some tissues:

“There was no going down on one knee — he doesn’t have knees. But for the first time, I heard him speak, I could actually hear his voice and it was beautiful. Deep, sexy and real.”

Unlike the kind, patient, tolerant interviewers in the video above, I'm not constrained by British politeness, shackled to niceties like the chains of poor Jacob Marley. Amythest Realm, a name I hope she chose for herself because if not her parents should receive a stern talking to, is a psycho. A loon. Two delusions away from sewing a wedding gown from the silky gossamers of a spider's web.

She's as much having a titillating affair with Caspar as I'm having a lucid conversation with a spare AA battery on my desk. But if I were, it wants me to tell all of you "Hey."

"I was happy and excited — so excited that we had to do something about it. So we headed to the plane loo and, well, I am now a member of the Mile High Club."

Should you be unaware, the "Mile High Club" is for couples who think sexing it up it in a bathroom no larger than a refrigerator is edgy. No.

I understand the interviewers are aware Ms. Realm is touched in the head. It makes sense for them to play along with her imaginary betrothal to that which goes bump in the night. When I saw the headline of a woman who porks ghosts now engaged to a spirit, I clicked so fast I sprained my pointer finger. It's okay, I've offered said finger to Sloan, my imaginary bestie, who kissed it better.

Good TV is a freak who's unaware she's a freak. You, me, everyone, were not bad people for enjoying this story. If we are, the story can identify as Ben and Jerry's ice cream. That's how it works now.

Problem is we're now living in a time where delusions are taken seriously. Think you're a cat? You're a cat. Think you're a dragon woman? Breathe that fire. Think you're a little girl even though your biology says you're a creepy old pervert? You iz a good little princess.

Amethyst Realm is thirty. She's talking about getting pregnant with a poltergeist. Whether she picks disposable or cloth diapering, I'm so following THAT mommy blog.

Good TV or not, someone should probably take Amethyst by the arm-- preferably someone dressed in a white coat -- and sit her down for real talk. Not a ghost talk. A talk. About, well everything. It'll be a long chat, so someone should bring imaginary snacks for her betrothed.

Until then...

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