Well in our first story of bad news this Post Hillary Clinton Chokes and Loses Her Life's Ambition LOL Day, turns out one of the myriad of snooty celebrities who promised to pack their designer luggage and ship out to Canada (always Canada, never Mexico or Syria, just saying) is backing out. Not unlike a blood-sucking tick when doused with oil. Yes, Amy Schumer, my "favorite" feminist, is now saying her talk of moving if Trump won? "It was a joke." Maybe that's why we didn't laugh the first time.

From FoxNews:

"My act will change because I will need to learn to speak Spanish because I will move to Spain or somewhere," she said. "It's beyond my comprehension if Trump won. It's too crazy."

However, Tuesday morning she took to Instagram to inform fans she was staying in America.

Schumer noted she had also said she would move to London.

"First of all the interview where I said I would move was in London and was said in jest. Not that anyone needs more than a headline to count something as official news," she wrote on Instagram.

The star added in her lengthy post that she was grieving. "I am furious. I cry for her and for all the smart people I love..."

We "love" Amy here, so of course I went over to her Instagram to pull the full post.

First of all the interview where I said I would move was in London and was said in jest. Not that anyone needs more than a headline to count something as official news. Anyone saying pack your bags is just as disgusting as anyone who voted for this racist homophobic openly disrespectful woman abuser. Like the rest of us I am grieving today. My heart is in a million pieces. My heart breaks for my niece and my friends who are pregnant bringing children into the world right now. Like everyone else I am horrified that people believed these bumper sticker slogans filled with hate he spewed. People who voted for him you are weak. You are not just misinformed. You didn't even attempt information. You say lock her up and you know something about the word email but what was in the emails? You have no clue. Well I'll tell you if you were able to read this far through the holes in your sheet. They said nothing incriminating. Nothing. She dedicated her entire life to public service and got our children Heath care and education without discrimination. he didn't pay his workers. Started a fake college. Ripped people off. Never paid his taxes and sexually assaulted women and on and on She would have taken care of us. I personally would have had to pay higher taxes. All the celebrities backing her would have. People asked how much I was paid to stand with her. Nothing. None of us were paid a dollar. We would have had to pay a lot more because we are fortunate enough to make a high income. But we all wanted to do it to take care of the people in need. She was fighting to take care of you kicking and screaming babies. Yelling about emails you know nothing about and not liking her clothes or her hair she wanted to protect you even you. Well you've gotten what you asked for and now you can watch the sky open up. Literally. I am furious. I cry for her and for all the smart people I love who know what's right and I cry for you people who fell for shiny hats and reality catch phrases. She would have protected you. Today we grieve tomorrow we begin again. Yes this quote is fake but it doesn't matter

A photo posted by @amyschumer on Nov 9, 2016 at 8:18am PST

The Breakdown:

It's a long post, and if you voted for Trump, Amy thinks you're an idiot who frequently bumps into walls. Probably because you're preoccupied, strumming finger over lips, making bumbling sounds. You poor thing, you. So, since you, the dummy Trump supporter, can't "read" what Dearest Amy has shared, allow me to present a visual which best represents her words:

So thanks for this, Amy. If you're not going to pack up and move out of the United States, at least we have your graciously butt-hurt attitude to keep us delightfully entertained for the next four years. #SilverLining

Let's hope Amy and her elitist ilk keep the condescension coming. It is, after all, one reason Trump won the election. No, not because of racism or sexism, Amy sweetie. Here, let Steven clarify it for you.

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