These days, everything is racist. Banana peels. Farmers markets. Leafy green trees with their brown trunks. Racist! This is why we can't have nice spruces.

Now, according to the academic gods the most recent entry into the racist column is yoga. You would've thought anything with a movement called "downward dog" would first qualify has overly sexual. No, racism.

Professor Shreena Gandhi wrote a paper called "Yoga and the Roots of Cultural Appropriation." Brace yourself for stupid:

The explosion of yoga studios, yoga videos, apps, yoga pants, and other yoga swag over the last two decades is evidence of this. Yoga contributes to our economic system, but never forget this system is one built upon exploitation and commodification of labor, often the labor of black people and people of the global south.

We would argue one of the goals of white supremacy is to buffer white people from the pain that comes from the process of exchanging cultural grounding for the unearned power and privilege of whiteness.

This modern-day trend of cultural appropriation of yoga is a continuation of white supremacy and colonialism, maintaining the pattern of white people consuming the stuff of culture that is convenient and portable, while ignoring the well-being and liberation of Indian people.

Don't ask us how, but somehow yoga pants equal slavery. Maybe cotton. Or how yoga pants favor ladies with tiny butts. If it's the cotton, then "Fruit of the Loom" would be racist too. Makes sense, considering the alleged racism of farmer's markets and bananas.

The premise of this piece argues all objects, practices, and spiritual notions borrowed from other cultures must be purchased with a blood sacrifice on a masochistic alter. There must be complete white-guilt. Punch thyself repeatedly in the eye with a foot to convey sorriness for liking global yoga things.

If leftists were completely true to their rules of cultural borrowing, they'd have to cut their palms for white, nerdy, virgin men every time they use a computer. Because they're appropriating their geeky culture. So says feminist professors who can only eat pretzels, not do a pretzel.

Cultural appropriation arguments show the height of hypocrisy. More on that below.

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