Okay, media. This morning I read a report, with the headline: "Obama administration allegedly gave Iran access to US financial system" which seems kinda bad. Yet over at CNN:

Here's a quick summary of what Obama's band of merry men tried to do for Iran:

The Obama administration granted a license letting Iran access the United States financial system despite officials’ pledges that they would prohibit it, according to a draft report from the Senate’s Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations.

When the nations involved in the Iran nuclear agreement implemented the deal, Iran had $5.7 billion in assets at Bank Muscat in Muscat, Oman, maintained as Omani rials, according to the subcommittee. Iran wanted to access that money, and using the U.S. financial system to convert it “was the most efficient means, even though U.S. sanctions prohibited it,” according to the report.

Government officials tried to convince two U.S. banks to execute the conversion. They both declined, citing the complexity and the unwanted appearance involved in processing an Iranian transaction, according to the report.

Shorter: Obama's administration knew using American banks would be the best way to convert the currency, because America, but those banks didn't want to deal with Iran. Becuase it's Iran, a terrorist-sponsoring nation with whom we shouldn't be in financial beds. Not a difficult concept for anyone who isn't porking the devil.

A former administration illegally making financial deals with a country better known for funding terrorists and chanting "Death to America and/or Israel!" seems, to me at least, a bigger deal than who snubbed who first for the White House Superbowl party.

Not that talking about sports isn't valid. Okay? Okay.

Obama's administration helping out our enemy also seems like a bigger deal than the recent game of "Where's Melania?" Yet y'all in media have been obsessed with trying to spot the First Lady. I admit I don't much care to play the game. Melania is a fine person, don't get me wrong, but she's got nothing to do with policy. At least at this point. You're trying to make me care about her whereabouts like you tried making me care about the plight of a porn star. Didn't work then. Isn't working now. Melania could be writing long-form poems about the asexual mating habits of Chris Cuomo. If that's the case, best leave her to it. Also, send me a copy.

Melania, the Eagles, Kim Kardashian, all this seems like your attempt to keep covering for your boy, Obama.

I'm not a fan of "whataboutism," so I'm not trying to excuse those who whine about "BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS OMG!" Yeah, Trump did a crappy thing lying about the Eagles. Yeah, maybe Melania is taking time away from her betrothed to focus on other things. Like beadwork or kidney infections. But the more you lot in media make hay out of superficial crap, while covering up for actual scandals which matter, i.e. Obama's administration trying to let Iran into our banking system, the more I'm convinced your interest in National Enquirer material with Trump is all just a ruse. A giant distraction to keep us occupied in the circus of your tower of bananas.

At first I just thought this petty obsession with Trump was just that. A petty obsession. Trump did de-broom the cankled, pantsuited queen. You use any weapon against Trump that you can. It's the way of enemies. I get it.

But now I think there's more to your game. Now I think perhaps your "LOOK OVER HERE, MELANIA IS GONE!" is just slight of hand.

I'm not saying you shouldn't keep doing it. Please, by all means, throw bananas at the American people. Speak to the dumbest of the dumb by making your top news all about Kim Kardashian. What Eagle's player said what about this thing Trump did yesterday. Focus on the NBA uninviting themselves from the White House even if they were never invited. I don't actually know if that happened or not.

Meanwhile, the American people will find actual news which affects their lives. They may dabble in your spin for the entertainment of it. I guess throwing darts at a board with the header "Where Melania is RN!" is more entertaining than Iran getting sneaky with money. But consider your game exposed. We see you. We see what you're trying to do.

The magician pulling a rabbit from his hat only works if we rabbits mating in a cage.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff