Dear people who gay all the things,

Today is the first day of "Pride Month." You leftists know exactly what "Pride Month" is, but there are others reading this open letter who might not be aware. I beg your indulgence for a few paragraphs.

If you have any familiarity with "pride" you might be under the hateful impression that June commemorates all of your noteworthy accomplishments. Because to be "proud" of something means you've hit some milestone or completed something monumental. Right? Wait...right?

No, you hater. June is the month set aside to honor people who like to do the nasty with someone of the same sex. Or if you're a dude who thinks he's a she. Or a she who thinks she's a dude. Perhaps you're still playing for both teams, because why not? LOVE IS LOVE, as they say. Be proud of it, as they say. Gay it up with everyone. Love knows no bounds. As they say.

But that concerto you wrote? Please. The mountain you climbed? Don't make me laugh. Your newest book? They're just words written in a certain order. June is the month to celebrate LGBTQAI! It's about GAY PRIDE!

Except no, leftists. Being proud about being gay? Maybe it's my cis-white female privilege speaking, but what is there to be proud of for being gay?

BEING GAY IS BEAUTIFUL. BEING GAY IS HEALTHY. GAY IS LOVE. LOVE IS LOVE!!! YOU'RE A HATER.

My question still stands. What is there to be proud of for who you find attractive? If, as a society, we're to celebrate a man loving a man, or a woman who loves a woman, why are we not celebrating those of us who find the opposite sex attractive?

That was a rhetorical question for illustrative purposes.

Who you find attractive isn't an accomplishment. If you feel proud over who makes you blush, you have emotional problems. Your sexual preferences are just that. You should feel no more pride in being gay than I do for being straight. Sexual orientation isn't anything which has been earned or attained. I award you no points for being attracted to someone of the same sex. As you award me no points for liking the opposite sex.

What gets your jollies on isn't worthy of pride. Are we clear on that score?

What you leftists have done with "Pride Month," is what you do everyday of the year; that is, twist the meaning of words. Pride Month is just gayer than usual, but the effort to celebrate something unworthy of celebration is one battle in your war (read Dear Hollywood: Stop Gaying All the Things, Especially Straight Characters...).

As you elevate that which has no business being elevated (any sexual orientation), you demonize what should be celebrated: actual accomplishments. These accomplishments span from the academic, to the athletic, business to politics. Those men and women who have achieved something of note are pulled down, while individuals who have zero to be "proud" of are raised up. #Equality

Allow me a brief gay departure to examine the fat-pride movement. Here, again, people are being told to be proud of their bodies no matter the size. You leftists focus not on a fit man or woman who works their proverbial butt off to be fit, but on someone with the BMI index of a sperm whale.

When it comes to income, who is taxed at higher rates? Why those who earn more, of course. For those who earn more must "pay their fair share." They're successful. It's not fair some are successful while others are not. Those top income earners get the shaft, but those minimum wage whiners who bitch about their hourly rate to flip burgers? You put them on pedestals. That is before they're replaced with robots.

Some schools will no longer honor valedictorians, for it's unfair some students earn better grades where others do not. It's not right to celebrate a student's academic acumen in combination with their studious efforts. Some students feel left out. Your solution, you bleeding heart ninny, is to push that achiever down. Feel good about yourself yet?

What are you haters of great so afraid of? Excellence. You make your hatred of excellence clearer everyday that you celebrate mediocrity while belittling merit. You cannot stand some people are better than others. You hate some rise above your obstacles. You despise it when someone can succeed in spite of you.

Your vision of "equality"? What you're really going for is sameness. You want everyone to be the same. Which is why you elevate 3.8 percent of the population (LGBTQAAIP silent F) for an entire month, in hopes of making them the same as the 96.2 percent of us who are not LGBTQAAIP silent F.

Well I'm done with it. I'm not celebrating gay pride. I'm not celebrating fat pride. I only celebrate that which is worthy of celebration: true accomplishments, hard work which results in something noteworthy. Excellence.

Written by Courtney Kirchoff