Dear leftist, counterculture, hipster "Christians";

Please stop. We get that you consider yourself at the cutting edge of enlightenment. "Enlightened" young Christians are easy to spot. Especially when the vast majority of you have Philippians 4:13 tattooed on your body somewhere. Or a cross. Because non-tattooed skin is so old testament.

You traded in seminary school for gender studies. You swapped bibles for #FeelTheBern bumper stickers. While everyone else was at bible study, you were staking out a spot at the BlackLivesMatter protest. Your never-ending Instagram stream of drunken beer-pong pictures alongside “saved by grace” self-help posters have given us all much to ponder. #Aesthetic

Listen, I get it. You're excited. You read the first two chapters of Rob Bell and rush to grab the mantle of antipodal Christian activism. You valiantly deem yourselves the arbiters of "social justice" in the name of Christ. After all, what would Jesus do? Sidenote: whenever someone asks you this, kindly inform them that destroying a temple, throwing over tables and insulting the ruling, political class as "fools" is not outside the realm of possibility (as per Matthew 21:12 and 23).

It sounds so simple. Jesus was about love, wasn't he? Jesus IS love, right? Ipso facto, socialism is more loving and caring than capitalism. Because God says "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." You guys love that line waaay more than Luke 12:13-14, which states as follows:

Someone in the crowd said to him [Jesus Christ], 'Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.' But He said to him, 'Man, who appointed Me a judge or arbitrator over you?'

See, you've got it all wrong. There's nothing "Christian" about spending somebody else's money. Jesus wasn't having any of that. Actually, God is big on each individual looking after themselves.

But if any provides not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

In fact, I encourage you to scour the bible for ONE verse that outlines "redistributing your fellow man's finances through force" as a virtue. And no, taking a picture of your bible opened up to a random page and posting it to Facebook does not = reading. Do get back to me.

Capitalism isn't selfish, but you certainly are. You selfishly vote in your own economic interests, claiming it to be the "Christian" thing to do. Meanwhile you passionately share the platform of the political party that actively murders babies. Violently. So there's that.

Nobody's saying Christians should be single issue voters... But there should be closed-handed issues. Ones that you just can't justify. One of which should be campaigning for a candidate who actively supports abortion, on demand, up until the point of contractions (see Bernie on Abortion: 'Anytime, Anywhere.'). Remind me again which is more important; free college or millions of innocent lives? Hint: this is not a trick question.

You toss Christian values of life, family, marriage, personal charity, discipline and personal responsibility to the wayside. All for one ideal to trump them all... Equality. That is, the equality of outcomes. Not to be confused with equal efforts. John went out fishing all day and brought back 4 fish for his family, but Jack took a nap and didn't catch any. Jack gets two of those fish now. Too bad for John's kids. Because Jesus.

Worst of all, you social justice Christians fail to see that "equality" is merely your new idol. The golden calf of 2016. It's one thing to be an atheist. Fine. I can respect it. But to claim that you follow the God of Abraham yet place your values on a pedestal over his? It's downright pathetic. Hey, don't take my word for it. 1 John 2:4 -

Whoever says, "I know him" but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

Also, those same atheists I just addressed... they don't respect you. No matter how big the spacers in your ears. You ignore your call to protect life. You deny responsibility for your own house and instead try to replace it with legislated covetousness. Like most Christians, we all read the story of Moses as children. After having led God's people out of the desert, and coming down from the mountain-top, he found them worshipping a golden calf. Despite them having been freed from Egypt, guided and protected... All by God. We all thought, "what IDIOTS! How could you do that?! It's clear as day that God saved you! How could you be so dumb as to worship a statue that YOU created?"

Yet here you are. You live in the United States of America -- the richest, most free nation in the world. While other Christians face persecution every day, you have the liberty to practice your faith freely. But what do you do? You whine, complain and fall at the altar of "equality." Which seeks to make things right by stealing from your brothers and sisters.

Samuel 1 tells of the free people of Israel who demanded that they be given a king. God warned against it. Yes, The bible even gets political here. God goes as far as specifically outlining the rights of the people which would be infringed by a king. Their nation was different. Set apart by not having a king, but they wanted to be like other nations. Everyone else had kings. Worked for them... Kind of. Sound familiar? "The US is the only country NOT to provide *fill in blank* for its citizens! We must be like other countries"

We don't have kings. We took a page right out of God's book and decentralized our power. You know, with the three branches of government. Do your "School House Rock" homework. We did that for precisely the same reason God had Samuel appoint judges instead of a king. It was to account for, and mitigate, the damage of humanity's selfish, evil nature.

But just like Kings, socialism is easier. You'd rather give up control for security. And feeling better about yourself. You prefer that way. Fine. But as Samuel showed us, it's not God's way.

You don't care about that. "Tolerance" fits more nicely on a bumper sticker. An "=" sign is an easier conversation piece at your local co-op. Defending the unborn, arguing over humanity's God-given right to autonomy, self-preservation, faith, family, and freedom... That's just corny, old Christian talk. Outdated, like the Old Testament, right? Not like you though. You're cool. You're the new breed of Christian. You'd sooner call yourself spiritual than Christian. Because that's a thing now. "It's a relationship, not a religion," you declare defiantly. You have a Tumblr account. And a mustache.

The same one that bristles when you kiss the feet of your golden calf. Equality.

Co-written by Steven Crowder and Kacie Burnett