The city of Ferguson is removing the makeshift memorial to Michael Brown. Booooo! They’re going to replace it with a better one. Hurray. A nice permanent one, so his name can be remembered forever. Because when you think of people worthy of public memorials, Ferguson wants you to think of people like Michael Brown.

Swell guy, that Mike Brown.

First off: Michael Brown was a thief. We know that. Makes for a great hero right off the bat, doesn’t it? And not only was he a thief, but he used his size and strength to help. He violently bullied those in the store (he stole from just before he was shot) and trashed it. Brown is caught on camera shoving one person into merchandise.

My hero.

But wait, there’s more. He was a druggie. Not only was Michael Brown high at the time of his death, but he was carrying more drugs. Add to this the fact that Darren Wilson was found not-guilty and…well, you can add another slew of crimes to Michael Brown’s name. Namely, attempted murder of a police officer.

Gentle giant.

This is the man who is getting a permanent memorial in Ferguson. But of course he deserves it. He was just an innocent…thief…druggie…all-around thug. This is a good lesson kids: Criminals deserve memorials. Remember that when you grow up.

Have any of you seen Chris Kyle's memorial, recently? It's beautiful--and invisible.

Oh and by the way, Michael Brown Sr.: We’re glad you think about your son. Too bad you weren’t there to stop him from becoming a criminal.

Oh... I guess we see where our hero gets it.