Illustrations by Dougal MacPherson

If you've spent many a sleepless night tossing and turning, wondering how to explain transgenderism to your kiddo, then today is your lucky day. If not, then check your cis-priveledge at the door. Jerk.

Jessica Walton of Melbourne, Australia (a proud lesbian) has a biological mother and father, just like all the other human beings on the planet. But unlike your patriarchy-following father, Jessica's dad has just come out as a being a woman. And so Ms. Walton, who cannot wait to get to know her father turned mother, went in search of a children's book that would help explain transgenderism to her son, whom she shares with her lesbian partner. Still with me?

“Dad told our family she was a woman a couple of years ago. This opened my eyes and it opened my mind.” Jessica Walton, a secondary teacher turned public servant who lives in Melbourne, recalls how her dad’s coming out moment was not only happy but also revelatory: “Being gay myself, having trans friends, and being an active part of the LGBT community for a long time, rallying for gay marriage, etc., I didn’t know this person I had known my whole life was a woman, and it was amazing to get to know her better.”

This story is from the UK Guardian, not The Onion. This is real life.

Out Jessica went in search of a bedtime tale which would explain to her son how his grandfather was now his grandmother, even though the Shegrandfather (as he/she/it shall henceforth be known) still has a pecker. Still with me?

Soon after her dad’s transition began, Walton and her partner had their own child, and they started looking for children’s books that reflected their family. And, whereas they did find “great books” that featured gay parents, they had real trouble finding books featuring transgender and gender-fluid characters. So she decided to “write the book we wanted to read to our son.”

Completely bypassing the notion that Walton and her lesbian partner had their own child (which is impossible, but that's only because biology holds a gender-bias), who'd have thought that no other author had jumped into this obvious commercial opportunity to write about transgenderism to children? It's a gold mine, people. Picture Teddy Ruxpin, only with a stitched-on rubber vagina.

Taking the giant task upon herself, Walton decided to pen her own male to female coming of age tale with the iconic teddy bear:

Teddy is described as “a gentle, positive picture book about being yourself, and being a good friend” on the Kickstarter page where Walton is crowdfunding money to self-publish it. It tells the story of Thomas the teddy, who is the best friend of a boy named Errol, and who identifies as girl and wants to be called Tilly.

Move over Berenstain Bears! Don't be a brat, Mr. Cat in the Hat! Because Thomas the Teddy wants to be called Tilly! If it sounds silly, he'll just chop off his willy! If you don't like that a lick, you're just a cis-gendered pri*k.

Tilly the teddy changes the age old question, which is no longer does a bear pee in the woods? But Does the bear peeing in the woods think he's a girl and does he squat instead of stand?