When "news" outlets celebrate the obese human form, you know we're near the end of sanity, reason and maybe humanity itself. Especially now that Twinkies are no longer sold. We miss you, Hostess. When I say "obese" I mean widen the doors, bolster the floors kind of obese. The medically unhealthy kind that prompts jokes about Ahab and the whale, human dumpsters, and when all else fails, your mama so fat. Got it? Let this paragraph serve as a sort of disclaimer. Not that it'll stop the rage, but hey.

This morning, HuffPo ran a photo spread with the kinds of people who inspired the human-like characters in Wall-E (which, by the way, no one I'm aware of decried as mean or "fat-shaming"). But if you dare say anything negative about someone's unhealthy body of people sized XXXXXXXXL and above, you're a horrible person for "fat-shaming."

This is a joke. Made by someone else. Found on the internet. Direct your fat-shaming rage at them.

Yet making fun of skinny women? Open season. They're called "skinny bitches" and you can say whatever you want about them, and no one blinks. Jealousy may be a factor. Have you ever heard of "skinny-shaming?" No, not skinny-dipping, that's something else. Stay focused. Thin women take flak from plus-sized women, yet no one comes to their defense and demands their comedy video be removed from YouTube. And guess what? Some "skinny" women have tried everything they can to gain weight, and they can't. We're not told to celebrate thin women like we are "curvy" women. Thin women are mocked for not being "womanly," they're told men do not desire them. They're told they're unhealthy. But if you dare say any of that to an obese person? Fat-shaming.

Fat-shaming has become a new third-wave feminist movement, and bigger women especially are demanding society not only accept them, but embrace their full figures and lifestyle without judgment. Look at the HuffPo photo spread, its message is clear: I'm Fat, I'm Beautiful, Screw You If You Think Otherwise, you judgmental, skinny bitch.

Imagine if thin or fit women did the same. They'd be lampooned for showing off, bragging, shoving their perfect bodies in your face. Or printed out and pinned up in a teenage boy's room...

Liberal Logic: it's okay to be fat and judge skinny people. It's not okay to make fun of fat people regardless of your size. Note: not all fat people make fun of skinny people, and not all skinny people make fun of fat people. Okay? Okay.

Try this XXL theory on for size: fat, unhealthy people are a victim class. Fit, healthy people are the "advantaged" class. Hang on, let me delve deeper. A fit, healthy person is capable of maintaining their own health by eating a proper diet, avoiding the sugar and carbohydrates which are largely responsible for obesity, and staying active.

Fat people, on the other hand, either do not know how to be healthy (a real possibility considering what passes for "health education" these days), they do not care, or sometimes there's a larger genetic issue at play. Okay? Okay.

But what results (in all circumstances) is a fat person who needs help. But you're not allowed to tell them that, or your a racist. No, wait, you're a hateful bigot. The liberal word toss game gets confusing, like the transgender pronoun thing.

Remember, big is beautiful.

Similarly, you're not allowed to tell someone on welfare that they're a worthless succubus draining the system, and they need to get their ass out of the house and go to work. Make money. Earn a living. Take care of themselves. Stop being a piece of crap.

Pointing out the obvious to a fat person, that they need to lose weight: hateful.

Telling a welfare bum he's a drain on society and needs to work to improve his life: hateful.

In the mean time, the fit person takes care of him/herself: protein, veggies, healthy fats, exercise. The fat person points to the fit person and cries: "GENETICS MAKES YOU THIN!"

A successful person works during the week and might go into the office or work the weekend. A slacker on welfare points to the successful person and says, "YOU DIDN'T BUILD THAT," or "YOUR'RE PRIVILEGED."

See?

Thin and fit people are "life's lottery winners." The obese are a new liberal victim class, a group of people who must be shielded from sexist men who like non-obese women; from thin or fit women and their judging eyes; from the horrors of the internet and its nasty freedom of expression and speech. For the left, the obese should be immune from criticism, comedic or otherwise. Anyone who dares threaten the obese with nothing more than their words, must be shamed into silence. It's just one more way freedom of speech is being chipped away.

A note on comedy before we go...

Either it's okay to make fun of everyone, regardless of size, or it isn't. Comedy is equal opportunity in its mockery. If it's okay to mock a "skinny bitch" it should be permissible to mock a "fat bitch." And if it's okay to toss around the word "bitch" like you're a meth lab assistant, then don't get huffy when someone uses the word "bitch," yo. Does that make sense or shall I pipe it on a wedding cake (for a gay or straight wedding reception) and serve it with fries?

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff