Earth Day.  Okay.  Who decided this was a thing?  And how is it not discriminatory to all the other planets?  Why not a Mars Day?  Jupiter Day?  Venus Day?  No? Planetism at its worst. Don't even get me started on intergalactic solar-systemism.

Earth Day is a joke, and always has been.  Don't take our word for it though, here's what the environmental "experts" have to say...

1.  We're all gonna die!  Except we didn't.  Earth Day was created in 1970.  At the time, biologist (and future Presidential candidate) Barry Commoner said, "Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind. We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation."  Sheer brilliance right there.

2.  Pollution's going to overpower the world!  No, it's not.  Especially not because of Americans.  We actually do a really good job with our emissions.  China, Hong Kong... not so much.  Anyway, in 1970, Life magazine reported, "Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support...the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution...by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half.."  Put away that sunscreen, pollution will protect you from those UV rays!

3.  We can turn back the oceans!  Yes we can!  *rolls eyes*  In classic Obama form, then candidate Obama delivered the speech which included the now infamous declaration, "This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal."  Wait... Obama has super powers?

4.  We're worse than asteroids!  So if you believe a giant asteroid killed off the dinosaurs 65 million years ago, you might also believe Al Gore when he wrote, “Global warming, along with the cutting and burning of forests and other critical habitats, is causing the loss of living species at a level comparable to the extinction event that wiped out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. That event was believed to have been caused by a giant asteroid. This time it is not an asteroid colliding with the Earth and wreaking havoc: it is us.”  But now "Global Warming" is called "Climate Change", and there is ZERO danger of humanity going extinct.

5.  The skeleton in the closet!  Literally.  The founder of Earth Day, Ira Einhorn, killed and composted his girlfriend and stuck her in a trunk in his closet.  Somehow, that just doesn't scream "eco-friendly" to me.

by Krystal Heath and Steven Crowder