Tuesday May 19 2015
Have you heard the news?
Hello, Twitter! It's Barack. Really! Six years in, they're finally giving me my own account.
— President Obama (@POTUS) May 18, 2015
Nevermind that he already owns – and tweets from – @BarackObama. Or @ObamaFoundation. Or @OFA. And all of the @OFA state accounts. He FINALLY has his very own! Yeah! Except, it isn’t actually his own, because it’s going to be passed on to his successor. Or something. Does anyone really know?
Nada. Is it just us, or does this rank right up there with the selfie stick?
The President seems a little bored. Does he just not know what he should be working on? We have some ideas. 5 of them, in fact.
1. Do something about ISIS. If nothing else, at least call terror what it is. Be the leader of the free world. We need one.
2. Create jobs for the middle class and get people off food stamps. “Hope” and “change” are nice words. But if that’s all they are, no one’s any better off. In fact, they’re worse off. Unemployment isn’t going down – people are simply giving up on looking for jobs, and getting on government programs. 14 MILLION more people are on food stamps under President Obama’s administration than were under George W. Bush’s. Not quite the change Americans were hoping for.
3. Provide a plan for paying down our national debt. We don’t expect you to balance the budget today, Mr. President. Anything would help, though. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step… paying off our debt can start with pennies. But let’s start somewhere. Also, that somewhere does not include merely throwing money at “shovel ready jobs” and entitlement rip-offs.
4. Attend an intelligence briefing. 62.5%. That’s the percentage of intelligence briefings the President skipped last year. Maybe the reason we’re not doing anything about ISIS, and snubbing Prime Minister Netanyahu is because we’re not actually up on what’s happening in the world? I mean, he doesn’t know stuff until he sees it on the news when we do. They’re still waiting for you to show up for class president… Mr. President?
5. Drill baby drill. The Middle East becomes more unstable by the day. Fracking, on the other hand, becomes safer by the minute. We have the capability not only for energy independence, but to be exporters of natural gas. Open up ANWR. Lift overbearing regulations. That’s some hope and change we can believe in!