If you've ever stayed up late at night, there on your futon, restless, staring at your popcorn ceiling, wondering what a Trump vs. Sanders town hall/debate would look like... then sleep well tonight, friends. We've got you covered. Behold:

Finally we have some answers on what Bernie Sanders will do regards jobs. Well...we have the most we're going to get out of him. Cut him some slack, he didn't earn a paycheck until he was 40. At least he gave us some clarity on where he stands on China and TPP. Right?

Schools? Jobs? Yes, frankly, all those things you wanted? Covered. Bernie says they're HUMAN RIGHTS. Even your right to be a lazy dumbass with a popcorn ceiling. Seriously? Fix that crap. May I recommend Trump Ceilings? They're frankly the best ceilings. Get a Trump ceiling and you'll never want to see any other ceiling. Ever. Truthfully. All the polls say they're the best.

But let's be real here. People who can take care of themselves, like Mark Rippetoe, don't need Bernie Sanders or Donald to take care of them. They can take care of themselves. The purpose of Government was never to be Daddy Warbucks. It was never intended to be a bloated pig where losers would sidle up to suck at the teet. Grownups with jobs, who work for themselves, discovered that long ago.

But thanks.

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